“Community is holding each other through the tears and laughing until stomachs ache. Community is telling the truth even when it’s the hardest thing to say. Community is pushing each other to look more like Jesus. Community is real and raw and frustrating and beautiful all at the same time. Community is when strangers become family.”
Standing in a dirt lot there are people everywhere. Now two days into ministry in Manzini, Swaziland, I am with 4 other girls in a bus rink waiting to catch a van to take us home when we’re approached by a very drunk Swazi man…
“Which of you is unmarried?”
“We are all married?”
Yelling in SiSwati…“You are all married?”
“Yes…all married.”
More yelling in SiSwati
Then, as he taps me on the shoulder: “I don’t care if you’re married. I want you, come“
It’s common for us to be approached by men, especially if we aren’t with guys. That man was unusually aggressive and had it happened any other month, maybe any other day, I might not have been as effected by it but that was my tipping point.
Swaziland, so far, was easily my most difficult month on the Race. When we got to Swazi we got 5 days off because of the holiday and everyone on my team would tell you how restful those days were for them but they were exhausting for me. Leaving India I felt anxious and it got worse in those first days. The anxiety brought up insecurities and the insecurities took me to a very lonely place. Which is weird when you are not allowed to be alone, ever, and you live in a hut with 12 other women. Then the incident with the national… my exact words that night were, “I’m done with Swaziland. I have no interest in being here, I’m ready for debrief in Durban.”
Thankfully I have 2 wonderful friends that told me to get the hell out of my own head. I decided I would tell my team all the thoughts that had been on replay. I was so worried about how they would respond. Would they think I was crazy or ridiculous? Would they be supportive? Would they care? That night, as I told them, I realized that it was less about how they would respond and more about doing it because I needed to.
I had to trust the family that I was given for this season and not just say I did but actually act as if I did. After telling them I was almost instantly relieved of my anxiety and as I thanked my Father, He brought me back to a question I asked a friend earlier that day.
“I’m in survival mode and I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive. How do I get back to thriving?”
Now, with a clearer head, I got my answer: Survival is a defensive position to be in. You deal with what’s coming at you, with the hope that you can hold out until it’s over. I was surviving Swaziland. Thriving requires action. So I’m going to be a woman of action and go after, and take hold of, the things that The Lord is giving me while dropping the things that He never asked me to pick up.
Are you choosing to thrive where you’re at, or are you surviving until you arrive at what comes next?
