Growing up, I loosely trusted my home as our family’s place of refuge. The walls that surrounded us kept us safe. The locks on the doors and windows kept intruders at bay. My father’s assurance that his body would “know” to wake up if something, or someone, endangered us, would give me some measure of peace as I fell asleep.
Even still, sixth-grade Victoria would occasionally lie awake, alert for any abnormal activity in the house, and mull over the new approach she would use to pitch a much-needed alarm system to her parents. For some reason, they didn’t see the need. Maybe she just wasn’t convincing enough, but she was determined to break them.
Seventh-grade came into full view and there was something noticeably different about my behavior. I would keep friends at a distance, I didn’t eat my lunches for fear that I’d get sick, and every sound I heard in my house I would tremor in anticipation that a robber would walk through my bedroom door. After a battle with my parents regarding these anxious behaviors, I finally sulked into counseling and no sooner, placed on anxiety medication.
Anxiety. It’s a scar I’ve hidden for the majority of my life. I hated it. I hated so much that my joyful, bubbly, outgoing self was now marred by this ugly new word. A word that I thought would define me for the rest of my life. So, naturally, I kept it locked away, hidden from even the closest of friends so I would still be “accepted”.
I’ve been a Christian my entire life and I have been blessed by God-pursing parents, extended family, and close friends. However, I had yet to fully embrace the Lord I proclaimed as my Savior to be the One who keeps my life held in His hands—not the locks on the doors or alarm system I thought we needed.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be scared or afraid because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Never leave.
Never forsake.
The God of the Universe is always with me.
It took about a year for me to come to this understanding, and even to this day worry creeps in, but not in the same magnitude. The Lord has restored my spirit since those middle school days and now I find my rest and peace in His arms. No longer is it an ugly scar, but a beautiful reminder that the Lord has used this time in my life to shape my story and use it as a testimony for His glory.
Fast-forward to the night before I embarked on the World Race. I was pouring over a Psalm, reading David’s words when this verse caught my eye:
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8
When sharing with friends and family about the World Race, my safety was the number one worry amongst those I shared with. For someone who once struggled with anxiety, this trip could have potentially been a nightmare. Every month is a brand new location, different strangers, and warnings of unsafe places. (Not to mention the time Logistics hopped in the back of a stranger’s vehicle this month to find a bus for the squad. No worries Mom, it was legit.)
Nonetheless, the Lord continues to remind me He alone makes me dwell in safety. He is the One we can trust as our refuge. He will never leave us nor forsake us, so we can live in peace. Through this assurance we can a live a life that is bold, full of faith, and according to God’s purpose.
Go boldly wherever He leads.
He’s got you covered.
