In 2010, I graduated undergrad with a degree in English/Writing and Publication. If you asked me then what I planned to do with my life, I would say further my studies, earn a doctorate in English, and become a professor. This was my goal immediately after college. When I did graduate, I hurriedly applied for the GRE, and awoke many mornings overwhelmed with anxiety about my next step. I did take the GRE, but I never applied to graduate school. I panicked because I did not feel peace leading me in that direction. I continued to work at the mall and in his goodness, God brought my freshman roommate’s mom to my job, and she knew a college that was looking for a writer. I started working the following week. Side note, I met the owner of the vineyard I currently work as I was visiting my friend at her job. The day before, I told Jesus I needed a job to pay my bills after graduating. The next day, he provided. Anyways, that’s a blog for another day. I could spend a lot of hours talking about how God has always been faithful and provided for me. If you trust Him, He will light your path.
Back to the subject, I continued to work, and it’s through this season that I learned that God asks me to follow Him, not my five year plan. After working through all my “disappointments” about what I thought my life would look like, I began to trust him a little at a time. I can be stubborn, and Jesus just loves me through it all. When I finally attended grad school, it was for Nonprofit Management. Three years before, I would have laughed at you had you told me that would be my field of study. I loved literature, and writing. I knew I had a desire to serve internationally, but I just thought I would build schools for girls all around the world. I wanted to be a professor. But alas, God’s ways are not my ways.
So why am I writing this blog? I’m writing it to tell you that God’s plans are good, but they are His plans. Who knows? I may be a professor one day, but I don’t want to get there because of words I wrote on my journal years ago. I want to get there because God told me to go there. I want my journey between Earth and Eden to be marked with obedience. My aim is no longer to reach a certain destination, but to walk and enjoy this journey while bringing the Kingdom of God forth. I used to always focus on hitting the next goal, finishing something, and while that’s great, I would never stop and just soak in the present. I was always anxious, until I learned that God didn’t want me to live like that. Jesus does not want me to spend my life full of worry and confusion, He wants me to trust Him, and understand that He brings peace and whatever He asks me to do, He has strengthened me to do it. And when I’m tempted with anxiety and confusion, I recognize it is the enemy, and because I know God’s character, I know He is not the source.
A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with one of my best friends, and she told me I have changed. She said I just seem calmer, and I don’t spend time worrying about my life. We laughed and reminisced about how I would make us write goals all the time. The pre goals to the goals, you know. I just wanted to assure myself that I wasn’t wasting my life. Although it was funny, that was the best thing she’s ever said to me. I want my life to be changed by Holy Spirit. I want it be visible that the Kingdom of God is at work in me and in others.
If you’re like the former me—always worrying or ridden with anxiety, I just want to tell you three words. Let it go. Trust the Lord, and let Him do it. He loves you, and He’s good. Walk this journey, and stop trying to just reach goals, but rather live in the present. Your journey doesn’t have to look like what society tells you. I don’t want my journey to reflect society. I want it to reflect Jesus. He calls us to different vocations, countries, and paths. However, remember that it is He who calls us and mold us to look like Him wherever we are and go. It is He that equips, and provides opportunities for you to learn skills and be excellent. Don’t try to be a mold of society. Follow Jesus. Know Him. When you wake up in Eden and you see Jesus face, will it be like finally seeing your friend, or will you realize that you spent your life knowing about Him rather than knowing Him?
Thank you for walking with me on this journey, and always for your prayers and support. I continue to lean on Christ through this process, and I know He is good. My upcoming deadline is Dec. 18th for $10,000. I’m asking that would join with me, pray for me, and share my story. Also, let me know how I can pray for you. Much love.
