God knows me. I do not know me..
God knows how my life ends. I can hardly explain how it began..
God knows my heart’s desires and I can barely decide what I want to wear in the morning.
God knows what I’m going to do today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. I don’t know my work schedule for next week.
God knows everything I will ever say in this lifetime. I can’t hardly put together a sentence without stumbling over my words.
I am an imperfect procrastinating perfectionist who loves unconditionally and without hesitation. I have hope, I have doubt, I have sin, I have low self-esteem, I try too hard and not hard enough at the same time. I am a living, breathing contradiction. As my high school AP English Composition teacher described me, I am a “hot mess” that “doesn’t make sense”. I couldn’t agree more. The only thing in this life that has ever made sense to me is God and following Him. When I am following God’s plan, I feel more “myself” and more at home than at any other time.
When my interviewer called me back with the good news (that I had been accepted into the World Race), I was at home getting ready to leave for the day. I was in the middle of one of my many routines when the phone rang (I am a chronic “walker” when it comes to phone conversations- I don’t just pace like a normal person, I travel somewhere). By the time my interviewer gave me the good news, I had walked about a mile and had made it back to my bedroom- everything that was going on around me faded away and it became just me and God again. I confess: I wasn’t even sure what it was that I was agreeing to after she said I had been accepted (I’ve figured it out since- it’s counselling). I was too busy thinking a year into the future. Hot tears started to flow down my face and I felt a light building up in my soul. The World Race is the furthest thing from following a routine and I couldn’t be happier to be getting out of all of mine. I never saw it coming though. I guess you never know what you can or will do until you’ve gone and done it.
I have no idea what this trip is going to mean to me, do for me, or make of me. I have no idea who I’m going to meet on this upcoming adventure, who I’m going to help, or who I’m going to hurt. All I know is that I’m going for it. I have always been known to love first, act first, fall first, and feel first. I have never been known to back down from a fight or to cower in the corner. I have never been known to give up without a fight. I have, however, been known to run away from my problems. I’ve realized though that I’m no longer running. The World Race is not me running. The World Race is me following. Finally following.
I am fully aware of my mortality and how little time I have to live- why on earth would I spend my time doing anything other than this? The World Race is the sort of adventure that my soul has been yearning for.
So no, I don’t know much about myself, where I’m going, or what I’m going to do- I’ll tell you this much though- God does.
God knows my mind, God knows my soul, God knows my everything at all times and because of that knowledge, I am able to pursue Him whole-heartedly. I trust Him, I love Him, and I will follow Him to the ends of the Earth. This is me.
Hello, my name is Vashti Rachel Wills. I’m pleased to meet you.
