First off, I kinda hate that saying. To everyone who loves shouting that out every time I mention that I am a flute tech at my Alma Mater’s band camp, I am sorry but I will no longer be politely laughing at it – I will just have a moment of silence for my sanity and then move on with what I’m saying. Eight years of “HAHAHA THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP” is four years too many. Moving right along!
Every year at band camp I learn a book’s worth of awesome things – they usually include something new about myself, the kids I teach, the staff I work with, and what it means to be worthy of leading. Every year though the biggest takeaway that I have is a lesson on self-worth. Now, to help you all understand where I’m coming from let me explain:
- When my mother asked me what instrument I wanted to play, I answered “The flute!” When my mother purchased the flute and gave it to me, I was livid, “this isn’t a flute! I wanted the flute! You know the one that Squidward plays in Spongebob!!” For all of you non-band people out there, Squidward plays the clarinet. NOT the flute. Yet another shining example of my stellar intellect as a child. *eye roll*
- I had a private tutor for about 4 lessons before I stopped going…I don’t remember why. I think I’ve blocked that out. This means I didn’t learn much about the flute other than: it takes WAAAY too much air to make a sound outta that dumb thing, there are approximately five thousand unnecessary keys, I would never be as good as my teacher, and lastly, that instead of lessons, I could be doing something cool like laying in a patch of wildflowers cloud-gazing or something.
- When I made it to middle school band, I survived by watching the other girls’ fingers on their instruments and mimicking their every move. I couldn’t read my music so before class I would write out all the letters of the notes above them on my music and took to learning the rhythm by ear. I wasn’t always horrible…sometimes I was good-ish!
- It took until my junior year of high school to start caring about my instrument and my abilities. This change of heart came with my new band director: Mr. Z
- After graduating, I was allowed to come and teach at band camp. For THREE YEARS I thought I was the flute tech because the kids needed to learn how to play flute. This was stressful for me seeing as how I didn’t really know how to play the flute either. Over the years I have gotten much better but before that I always based my self-worth (for that one week at band camp) on how good I was at teaching flute. I was not good at teaching flute. This was hard for me.
- During Band Camp 2013, I finally had a breakdown and had to talk to Mr. Z. I’m a very ugly crier by the way. With tears in my eyes, snot in my nose, and a flustered complexion that would shock someone with rosacea, I went to Mr. Z and explained my painful situation, “Why do you keep inviting me back to band camp?!” I cried. I went on to explain that I was not good enough on the flute to be teaching those poor kids. I tried to go on but I was interrupted by his uproarious Italian-man laughter, “You think I have you here to teach them how to play flute?? NO!” I stopped crying and confused, asked him, “Well then why am I here?” He answered mid-laugh “I have you here to teach them how to grow up into good people.” Now, it’s been a long time since that conversation took place so I’ve forgotten a lot of the details but that’s how I remember it going down. I then mounted my unicorn and flew away to my cabin for the night….that one time at band camp. Juuuust kidding. I actually cried the rest of the way back to my cabin and just kept repeating to myself the following mantra: “I’m important. I matter. I’m wanted. People care about me.” It helped a lot actually =o)
So as you can imagine, it took a very long time for me to realize that it was not my amazing flute skills that got me the invite to band camp – it was the fact that every year I took it upon myself to teach the kids how to believe in themselves, care for one another, stand up for those who can’t defend themselves, hold onto their values and morals, find a reason to live and believe in it, how to be passionate about something, how to care about more than just their own life, the fact that there is amazing beauty in our everyday lives and we just have to find it, and many many more things that at the time I just saw as random thoughts to be shared with the kids.
I never realized that in the years to come the “little pieces of advice” that I would randomly blurt out would actually be shaping and defining moments in some of these kids’ lives. The things that God has used me for at that band camp still shock me to this day. All I do is be myself and practice real talk every opportunity I am given. I love every single one of those kids and surprisingly enough, that’s all it takes. Love, dedication, passion, positive-attitude, willingness to serve, everything that makes me a good missionary is something I learned through Mr. Z’s marching band at band camp and through people who, just like me, didn’t even know they were teaching me a life-lesson.
It’s taken me years to figure out what it was about Mr. Z that made me start to care about life so much. I think I’ve finally figured it out- He is the embodiment of passionate living. He believes in the ability of marching band to do just about anything. It’s more than just a bunch of teenagers walking around all fancy-like while playing catchy tunes on weird looking pieces of metal. Marching Band to Mr. Z and to me (now) is about life and how to live it best.
Every year, God reminds me how important I am at band camp. That crazy group of kids (the ones that know me) look forward to my return every year and all I do to earn that is be myself…I must be doing something right! I am important. I am enough. I am worth it. Some of the most meaningful and treasured truths that I hold dear, and God used band camp to teach me them. How cool is that?
So there you have it. That one time at band camp…Jesus taught me how to care about myself.
The best part? These are truths for you as well: YOU are important. YOU are enough. YOU are worth it – yesterday, today, tomorrow, and always.
Don’t forget that you need to be loved too.
Goodnight World,
~ Vashti W.
