Thanks to a group of amazing people that love me unconditionally, i’m taking the first steps in learning to use my voice. So, this is totally uncomfortable for me to share the following with you all because they are my thoughts & feelings & I’m afraid that people will judge me or think I’m stupid for the things I think.
yikes. Being vulnerable is scary. But! It’s definitely worth it & I’ve grown so much already! Why would I stop now? So, all that to say…I hope you enjoy!
This Is What I’m Thinking:
The smallness of a child.
The defeat in my spirit.
All it takes is one small thing: like getting cut off, not being waved to, or my guitar string snapping.
Flashbacks & hard drives- I’m drowning in my baggage.
but if I can’t carry it, who will?
I’m like a little child- my smallness in stature.
I’ve dropped my ice cream cone, scraped my knee, & been dethroned.
I’m running on insanity: fresh out of logic.
Im turning round ‘n round in a field full ‘o wildflowers.
God saved the queen & forgot about me.
Her bitterness is choking me. “Excuse me, sir? I didn’t order that.”
Get me out of this place. I need a new menu. The specials are old & the atmospheres cold. These clothes don’t fit & these flys all bite.
Im sitting in my own sweat & everyone can see it.
Tie my headband a little bit tighter
my thoughts are out of hand and my hands are way too hot.
My palm sweat is showing & my anxiety calls the shots.
i can’t spend the rest of my life running from these lies.
I’m beautiful. I’m worth it. The Lord delights in me.
….What? I’m awkward & I’m clumsy. My thighs rub together.
I could lose a few, I’m in love with you, I’m Irish-pale, & corny.
My jokes are nonstop, I’m heavy up top, and sometimes i spell tomorrow wrong.
why would God choose me?
Why does he even care?
Take a look at my face. What do you see?
i’ll go first.
I see a girl who was lost. Someone far from home. A good smile full of bad teeth, enough hair to go around. Eyes that tell a story – wrinkles that tell some more. A twinkle in her eye gives it all away.
What are you doing, small child? Will you really rule the world?
And when the music fades away
what will be left of this moment?
Aren’t we all sheep in a pasture of wolves?
who of us knows the way?
im caught up in these thorns.
There must be a reason to keep me walking.
The smoke has burned my eyes.
What is this?
An eternal trust fall in a room full of mirrors?
if following you is right, why’s it so hard to get up out of bed?
i don’t want easy but I do want some answers.
Send me a letter full of A’s & B’s. The steps don’t matter – Big & small all & all. I’m taking the high road but I can’t find the ladder.
Vacation it away. Take the escalator. Pick me up – I’m carry out. $1.42 + tax is fair. just whatever you do, don’t diss my hair.
Jesus, this life makes no sense. I’m at a loss for cause & purpose. Bathe me in your grace & see me through this race. Set me in your pace & one day I’ll see your face.
Your child needs you.
Signed sincerely, the Little Lost Sheep.
