As I placed the last of my diaries, mementos, and precious trinkets, into my over-sized and yet overflowing memory box, I couldn’t help but shed a tear. I sat down on my steps after taping up the unbelievably-heavy moving box and thought to myself, “this is it…I’m starting a new chapter of my life…and it hurts.” The dramatic side of my personality wanted to label this upcoming chapter “desperately alone” or some kind of play off that song the goes, “one is the loneliest number…*lyrics* TWO can be as bad as one…” but my shockingly optimistic side overpowered the drama queen with her ideas. I was about to make an emotional comeback when little miss cry-about-it started to remind me of a few things. I couldn’t help but cry at the thought of my family being scattered across America while I’m overseas for 11 months – When I get back, the house that I’ve called home for almost 10 years will no longer belong to my family. It’s been so long since I’ve been “on the move” – I lost my moving legs and became a home-lubber! I am admittedly scared to let go of this physical home of mine and to no longer have my family to go home to. I am afraid to let go of this comfort zone…
I was about to go take a “rest-of-the-day-nap” when ms. positive brought my attention to the fact that once I make it through all the tough stuff going on right now that I’ll be embarking on one of the greatest adventures of my life! Not only will I be fulfilling my heart’s cry to travel, but I’ll be fulfilling my soul’s yearning to go on mission to “the least of these” all across the world. I have an opportunity to follow God’s calling on my life while serving alongside amazing people. I’ll get to work in orphanages again!!! For the first time in quite a while, my life will go from crazy, complicated, anti-organized, MADNESS to a manageable walk with God type of journey. A newly inspired set of tears began to flood down my face, “I can’t wait!” I peeped. Then, embarrassed by the outrageously girlish sound that had just escaped from my mouth, I retreated to the depths of my room and got back to packing.
Before I got too carried away, I took a long look into my dusty full-length mirror at myself. I slowly turned in a circle to look around my room. I soaked in all the memories that I had yet to pull down off my walls. I looked at all my clothes, all my furniture, all my books, DVDs, my collection of Bibles, my pile of ‘pending craft projects’, all the letters from friends, photographs on my walls of favorite moments with loved-ones captured by somebodies poor-quality phone, and finally, at my pet rat, Janky. He had climbed up his cage to the very top in an attempt to get my attention. As I neared him, he shoved his nose through the bars repeatedly and began to skitter around as I opened his cage door. He jumped into my hands and in an out-of-character show of affection, he nuzzled into my arms and stayed there looking up at me. I watched his whiskers as they bounced with every sniffle. I laughed to myself and thought about all the stupid things he’d ever done- chewing up all of my beloved figurines from the zoo, peeing on my friends out of excitement whenever I bring him out of his cage, eating holes through my work shirts…AND my favorite flannel shirt, and all the times he’s made me mad to the point where I just want to sell him. In that moment, as I began to get angry at him for previous offences, I was surprised by how badly I just wanted to love on him. I realized that (beware: this is going to be cheesy) no matter what this little guy does, I will always love him. As stupid as it sounds, I actually had an epiphany – nothing I do will make God stop looking out for or loving me. It took my annoyingly lovable pet rat to get this through my thick head. So as I sat there in my room, cuddling with my pet rat, and trying not to cry, I began to pray a very intense thank-you note to God.
God, thank you for always having the best in store for me. Thank you that no matter what I do, it’s never enough to make you stop loving me. Thank you for every breath I get to take, thank you for the friends and family you have blessed me with, thank you for every opportunity to serve you, and thank you for every thing in my life that has made me into the woman I am today. Every bad thing, every good thing, every period of waiting that I whined my butt-off during – thank you for all of it. Every lesson, every sob-fest, every new friend coming and old friends leaving. Everything that has led up to this new chapter of my life. Thank you for never leaving my side, thank you for staying with me even during those times when I wasn’t even sure if you were real. Thank you for every shoulder-to-cry-on that you’ve given me. Thank you for your protection every time I’ve “almost died”, thank you for your guardian angels, thank you for all the wisdom, peace, patience, and love you’ve given me. I can never say it enough, my dear God. I love you, thank you for being real, thank you for (OF ALL PEOPLE) dying for me, and thank you for everything you’ve done and are going to do in the future. Thank You.
With God, I can make it through this. I can go into this next chapter of my life with full confidence because even though I could never do something as amazing as the World Race by myself that it is through God that I get my strength.
Hallelujah, Amen! What an awesome God we serve,
~ Vashti W.
