Sometimes I process through poetry. Sometimes God pushes me and convinces me to post that poetry on the internet. This happens to be one of those times. Yikes. This first week in La Paz, Bolivia is set aside for debrief. We were informed that the focus for this week would be vulnerability. In my head, vulnerability and I had been friends for as long as I could remember. I had convinced myself that I had always been vulnerable and that there was nothing I hadn´t admitted to at least one other person in my life. Well let me tell you this: vulnerability is so much more than just telling everyone bad things from your past. The purpose of being vulnerabe is to open up your heart and allow God to come in and make you new. It´s a process of allowing Jesus to break your chains and to give you freedom from all the things that tie you down and prevent you from truly living a wonderful and FREE life. Therefore, if I´m honest with myself, the first time I was actually vulnerable would be 9/20/2014 (that´s about halfway through our time in Haiti).
God used one of my squad leaders to open my eyes to the tremendous amount of walls that surrounded my heart and since that day, I have completely restarted my walk with God. I see God as my Abba now – someone I go to for protection, for education, and for acceptance. Something the World Race leaders constantly reminded us of at launch was that our issue of worth was settled at the cross. I don´t have to prove myself to anyone. The only one I ever truly need is Jesus. God did not create me to wallow in self-pity and to spend my entire life people-pleasing and trying to prove myself to others. That part of my life is now over and I´m eternally gratefull to everyone who helped me realize all of that.
So basically what this week has been so far is a time for us all to get together in our teams and discuss with our leaders how our first month of The World Race has gone. At least that´s what I thought it was going to be about. As usual, God has blown me away. He´s doing more with this week than I can even attempt to explain right now – so forgive me for bringing it up! Oops! I´m sure i´ll talk about it later. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADEU…I give you my painfully honest, vulnerable, and reflective poem:
~I´m Worth Saving~
Promises hovering over my head.
Heart full of hope, feet full of lead.
Chasing dreams that don´t make sense.
Dancing in pain and stuck behind a fence.
Climbing through my struggles
Wallowing in my troubles
Watching my life drain behind my eyes
Feeling the heartbreak of broken and bleeding ties.
Who has the power to hurt my soul?
Aren´t I the one who wants to be whole?
I´m clawing and grasping at my little broken bits.
What´s left of me falls away in fits.
I´m drowning. I´m flying. I´m falling even deeper.
If this sickness is good then, God, give me a fever.
I want to get worse. I want to get better.
I want to shine bright and feel light as a feather.
Pick me up, spin me ´round. Kiss my lips and play a song.
Be my number one. Be my all in all. Save me from myself and refresh my bleeding soul.
I remember soaring through the air.
I remember seeng it all.
I remember Your outstretched hand.
I remember You calling my name.
As alone as I feel, I´m no longer lost.
I may be falling apart but I´m no longer giving up.
I´m bursting at the seams while fighting against the numbness.
I´m running through a jungle and diving off a cliff.
Where am I? God lead me.
Pick me up, wipe me off.
Make me clean and dress me up.
Make me whole and give me wings.
Give me wings so that I may fly.No longer escaping
But charging into battle.
I´m ready, Lord. Come break me.
Here I sit – it´s 2am again. It´s been a long day and all I want to do is dance. Our God is so good. He cannot be contained by previous notions set into place. He has a plan for me and for you and for everyone you know. Invite Him into your life tonight or tomorrow or sometime soon. Ask Him to save you. Ask Him to use you. Ask Him to reveal your purpose. We serve a loving God who will never turn you away- go to Him when you´re feeling alone. Go to Him and let Him save you.
Asta Luego,
~ Vashti W.
Personal note: If you´d like to support me prayerfully or financially I would love that! If you are able to support me financially, all you have to do is click the ¨Support Me!¨ tab on my main blog screen and follow directions! If you´d like to prayerfully support me (or do both!!) just comment on my post and I´ll let you know what I need most right now. Thank you for reading! I love you all =o) goodnight.
