This month I’m working in the Redlight District of Chiang Mia, Thailand through an organization called Lighthouse In Action.
Today my make-shift team of racers not involved in PVT (the Parent Vision Trip that World Race puts on for parents that can come) had the opportunity to watch Nefarious- Merchant of Souls.
This documentary that lasted about an hour & 40 minutes is about sex-trafficking, prostitution, the process of it all, what it takes to stop it, & includes personal stories of several women who got out, stayed out, or went back to it.
This documentary immediately captured my attention & brought my soul to a place of brokenness & vulnerability that I was not expecting.
No, I was never a prostitute. I never had a pimp nor serviced a John but I’ll tell you what I did do.
I lived in that same place of brokenness & emptiness that the documentary opened my team’s eyes to.
Just a little over a year ago, I was in that place. Everyday was a process of getting to the end. In my eyes, nothing mattered anymore. What used to matter to me had been consumed by darkness.
I knew the heartaches of the prostitutes all too well- not because I was one of them but because God gave me his eyes, heart, & understanding for/of the matter. He gave me his compassion & love for everyone involved in the situation- from the pimp to the prostitute.
A few minutes ago I was on my way back from watching one of my squad leaders, Ellen, get baptized. On the walk back to our hostel, I had a conversation with my squad mate, Brooke, who said she always likes talking to me because I always bring it back to God- no matter what I’m going through, she pointed out that I always talk about taking myself to God in the end. She said that I had encouraged her in that way.
I thought about what she said & replied:
Vashti: “You know why I always bring everything back to God, Brookey?”
Brooke: “Why?”
Vashti: “Because at the lowest point of my life when all I saw around me was darkness, when all the lights that used to shine so bright had gone dim, God was the only thing that never left me. It didn’t matter what happened to me, how many bad choices I made, how soiled I felt I had become, the Holy Spirit of the Lord never left my body. I always carried some bit of his light in my soul.”
…”he never left me.”
Wow, what a thought.
He never left me.
God likes to reveal truth to me through conversation with others. The things he has revealed to me today, alone, have been enough to debilitate me with joy.
Our God rejoices over us. It says in the Bible that he DANCES over us. His heart bursts with love for us. He is gentle. He is calm. He is peace. He is love. He is forgiveness. He is kind. He is there. He is here. He Is.
My God has never left me & even now, after struggling for 8 months to accept a simple truth about myself, he is still here patiently waiting with me. It doesn’t matter how long it takes for me to believe that I am worthy in His name or that I’m loved or that I am Beautiful, he will never leave me.
Do you believe this about yourself? Do you believe that you are worth love? What about attention? What about someone’s time?
How are you really doing? When is the last time you felt truly accepted and loved in everything that you are & have done?
Think about it- God’s grace covers you so completely that the moment you repent from your sins you are clean again. You are free again. You are pure again.
Jesus died for us so that we could have this gift. Are you using it? Or did you accept the gift & set it down? Are you walking in freedom? Or are you still weighed down by sins that God has already forgiven you for?
Freedom is a gift but it is also a choice. A choice to take part in FOLLOWING God. A choice between listening to what the world says you are or who God knows you to be. It’s a decision to be made. Just like accepting an invitation to a party doesn’t mean you’re going to go. You have to actually go to the party- you have to actually follow Jesus if you want freedom.
He is a relational God & he wants you. ALL of you. Not the perfect version that you think everyone likes. He wants every single little piece. Consistently bring yourself to Him & you will find freedom. You will find love. You will find acceptance. You will find completion.
Isn’t this what we’ve all been searching so desperately for? What’s stopping you from getting it? Unlike everything else in the world that we’ve tried & been failed by, Jesus works.
He will come in & he will free you from your past, from the pressures of the present, & from the chains that tie you to your future. Let go. Let go of the control you think you have over your life. Put everything in his capable hands & watch as he reveals his perfect plan to you. There is no one aside from him that you can trust to NEVER let you down nor fail you. He will guide you. So stop trying to be perfect- All we are called to do is to be faithful to him.
Follow in His footsteps & He will make your paths straight.
Until next time,
~ Vashti W.
Financial update: I am still $789 away from being fully funded! I have until May 23rd to raise at least half of that in order to stay on the race. Please, if you are able to donate, consider supporting me. (You can do this by clicking the “support me” link & following the directions here on my blog) I am learning so much about myself, God’s call on my life, what it takes to follow Him with all that I have, & who He really is. I am so blessed to have spent the past 8 months of my life on the World Race & would love to finish strong & stay the entire time (3 more months left including this one).
Thank you for your time, thank you for listening, & thank you for praying for me. I could not have done the World Race without all of you, my supporters.
I encourage you all- don’t be quiet. Pass on the news: Jesus is freedom. He is waiting on you to come Home.
