“Tell me the truth, even if it hurts me, without the self protection. Love can mend what’s broken in me and you.” – Steffany Gretzinger
A little bit about who I am as a person:
I hate seeing wasted potential. I’m able to see where God wants to take his children, higher and higher. Sometimes I get into the dangerous zone of taking other peoples spiritual growth upon me, as my responsibility. I’m the type of person who loves to help people, especially the ones I’m doing life with! I don’t want to see them sink. I want to help them swim. But, because of so many years of doing that I have caught myself excluding the Lord from the equation. I’ve caught myself stepping into the place of Jesus; of where He’s the only one who will take them higher, who is going to take care of them even if they sink.
As believers, we are all on different levels of maturity with Abba, the Father. Being on the race, I see the different levels of where we’re all at. Those who are on a lower level than me makes me feel like it’s up to me to take them higher; low-key meaning that I don’t trust God to do it better than me. LIKE WOW VANESSA. Wow. It’s okay to be able to say these ugly truths out loud. Kinda made me feel bleh admitting it.
Trust has always come easy to me. I choose to trust the people around me, but do I trust God with the growth of my spiritual sisters and brothers? I thought the answer to that was yes, but it’s a no. And I have a hard time admitting that to myself, that I don’t trust God more than I trust myself to help someone get from point A to point B in their walk with the Trinity. That was an ugly conclusion I came to today. And my teammate helped me see it. I’m not Jesus, but I resemble qualities of Him. I relate to Him the most. I’m not God, but I’m His daughter, and I resemble qualities of my Father wanting to help and comfort people. And I am not the Holy Spirit, but I walk out in His direction.
That is what I have been walking through, and because I’ve been like a babysitter to some peoples spiritual growth, and holding their hand, I get worn out, and burnt out, and frustrated, and annoyed. It’s not my job, and it’s not your job. That’s also not allowing me to be able to be vulnerable with the truth with my brothers and sisters. I’m sugar coating so they don’t get hurt. Before my relationship with Christ I would do the TOTAL opposite, and just say it how it is, but without love, and wound up hurting them. I’m walking into telling the truth in love specifically with those who I have been holding their hand, and completely surrendering to the Lord. I’m putting my hands up and CHOOSING to trust the Lord with the lives around me, even when I’m not apart of their lives one day.
