This blog was was written by my wonderful boyfriend Eric, from a point-of-view from a loved one back home. I hope you enjoy!
“Enjoy every moment you’re in like you would a good meal.”
Our church’s founding pastor stepped up on stage during a worship set to tell me this back before Vanessa left, and I had no idea how important it would be in this season of my life. Anyone who knows me, knows I really enjoy good food. So, this naturally painted a smile on my face because it’s some, but mostly, it gave me something to really aim for. I wish I could say that I immediately ran at that goal, but it wasn’t that easy.
That night before she left, after we said our goodbyes, I got in my car and cried the whole way home. When she was gone for real, it was so easy for my mind to shift to the end of the race when she would come home again. The truth is, I wanted her to stay.
When Vanessa left for Georgia, our budding relationship seemed like it was being put on hold, like God had brought us together in such a magnificent way, only for us to be separated. It would’ve been so easy to believe that and get mad at God, but I didn’t. I knew He had a grand plan in mind that was beyond my comprehension, but I had to let go, and I did . . . eventually.
The first 6 weeks or so were really challenging for me. My whole life, I had never been a fearful person, but suddenly—now that someone I deeply cared about was in foreign places without anyone but a couple of people she’d only just met—fear gripped me. Thing is, I knew God was with her every step of the way, but I didn’t really know it. I had never had to have such abandoned trust in God like that in my entire life; things were considerably “easy” for me until that point. Looking back, I picture God standing a little in front of me, ushering me forward, saying, “Come. Come.” It was literally to the point where trusting God was all that I had; I couldn’t be her knight in shining armor. It was either I trust God completely with Vanessa’s life—her safety, her health, and her happiness—or I lose my mind. There was no alternative.
My initial battle with fear was an ugly one, but the trick with a battle of the mind, I’ve learned, is never going in unarmed. Day and night I filled myself up with scripture and built myself up in prayer (still do). Did I have setbacks? Sure. Did the enemy try to get louder? Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. I had days when I broke down, and I had days when I couldn’t even eat, and as I mentioned before, I. LIKE. FOOD! But let me tell ya, I attacked the enemy with verse after verse, vocally stabbing him with the Word of God to the “point” where bothering me was guaranteed pain for him (couldn’t resist).
James 1:2-4 NKJV
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
My faith in God is constantly being put to the test with Vanessa away. Trust me, it’s still not easy to this day, and we’re more than 5 months in, but I am so much stronger for it. I don’t fear for her safety; I don’t fear that she’ll get sick; I don’t fear a single thing because God is so faithful!
Jeremiah? ?17?:?7-8? NET
My blessing is on those people who trust in me, who put their confidence in me. They will be like a tree planted near a stream whose roots spread out toward the water. It has nothing to fear when the heat comes. Its leaves are always green. It has no need to be concerned in a year of drought. It does not stop bearing fruit.
When our faith, our hope, our confidence, and our trust is 100%, squarely in God, mountains become molehills and giants become mere insects. Choosing joy in a difficult season is to trust God completely, even when nothing makes sense in the natural. Believe me, when that happens, things start to change in our lives.
Since she left, and I broke through my initial fears, I have actively chosen to live in the moment I’m in as I trust in the Lord with all my heart. My relationship with God has never been so clear and focused, I’m more joyful at work, I’m more involved at church, and I’ve been able to be a part of leading an outreach program. This isn’t me bragging about what I’ve done; it’s a testimony of the fruit that comes from actively following and trusting God. That was also, in fact, how I broke through my fears. God is so faithful!
Look, I‘m not sure I would have ever chosen any of this for myself. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it has been one heck of a journey so far. Vanessa is on the trip of a lifetime, spreading the love of Jesus, and I am so wildly proud of her for that; I’m very much on this journey with her as God has shown me what it really means to abandon all and trust Him.
I know I have so much to look forward to when she comes home, but I constantly choose not to get swept away in the “after” because there’s never a good time to clock out of life. Albeit, to be fair, it is getting increasingly more difficult to stay in the present, but I have never been better. Being active in the moment I’m in, and being in a position where trusting God is all that I have, has brought me to where I am now, and I wouldn’t change a thing!
-Eric
Also, for those of you who made it to the end of this blog and enjoy tidbits, it’s worth noting that, without getting into much detail, a year ago, to the day, God told me about Vanessa’s trip, and He told me to tell her that she’s supposed to go despite any worries or fears or doubts that she would face. At the time, I hadn’t spoken to Vanessa in nearly a year and a half, but it was only the beginning of God getting me involved in this journey!
NOW LOOK AT HER!
