Let me tell you about Phil. Good ‘ol Phil taught me a lot this year and I knew pretty quickly I was in over my head. If I had to sum up what I learned from Phil this year it would be about these three things: Dependence, Identity, and Love. Woof!
IDENTITY
If we are all made in God’s image then we all reflect a little piece of Him whether you personally believe in him or not. That’s really cool! Here’s what Phil taught me about my identity this year.
• I am allowed to be more than one thing. I tend to believe I have to be a certain way (good at my job, a good friend, good daughter, fun, funny, etc). When I dont live up to my expectations I can be really hard on myself. Well good news!
“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously” -Sophia Bush.
I learned to embrace the things I have always seen as flaws, like perfectionism, and started to see them as strenghts that I maybe need to hone a little better. I’m never going to “arrive”. I’ll spend the rest of my life learning and changing into who I was created to be. We are uniquely created with a purpose and for a purpose. We can embrace all the parts of who we are in each season as we walk into them.
• I am a daughter. God participates with me, encourages me, he is proud of me, he tells me he loves me, and he believes in me. I sat on a rock in Indonesia in front of a sweeping river, rice fields, and mountains listening to Louie Giglio’s Passion 2019 talk. He talked about the tenderness of the word “Abba” a Hebrew word for Father. I learned what it means to live as a daughter instead of living as an orphan (Roman 8:14-17 and Galatians 4:4-7). I am also the bride of Christ, with full glory and authority and He spoke gently into who I was created to be.
• When we wear our false self we are reflecting to the world more of what they already see and know. When we reflect our core selves, who we were created to be, we reflect Jesus and that image of God. We are meant to take off our false self and walk boldly in our core self. When you can declare who you are at your core it shifts perspectives and it shifts atmospheres.
DEPENDENCE
• In my very first month, Cote D’Ivoire, on the race I wrote that God showed me how I plant one tree and take credit for the whole view when really he created the view he just allowed me to plant the tree. Well I realized in Ghana that I was really good at giving God glory for my gifts but taking credit for what I did with them. I realized this year that when I lay down the gifts he has given me he will use them to glorify the Father. Its not about me its always been about Him.
• I learned to trust the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is wild in the best kind of way. He and I were not well acquainted before the race but since this year I would trust him with my life. He heals (physically, emotionally, spiritully and mentally), He convicts, He interprets, He speaks, He moves fiercely and gently. I heard stories from teammates saying 52 Muslim men decided to follow Jesus, I’ve preached in front of churches of men and women totally unexpectedly but saying exactly what was needed, friends giving strangers scriptures or words to people who had been told the SAME verse or word multiple times that week by others, and so much more.
• Sitting in the Father’s presence is the greatest place to be. I read in a book “are you serving the dream, serving God to get the dream, or serving God and trusting his integrity for the fulfillment of the dream”? Woof. I fell in to camp #2 and realized how skewed my view of the Father was. I was trying to earn love to recieve something in return (the promise). Thats not love or the Fathers heart. It has always been about relationship with Him and not the thing you desire, your goals, or dreams. When I can sit in his presence and just BE, I GET every good gift and everything I need. The father gives good gifts and keeps his promises.
• We are Human BEINGS NOT human DOINGS. This quote got on my nerves because isn’t that obvious? Apparently not. We were created to BE loved. That’s it. Not overwork our way to retirement and THEN experience life. God created us to be Loved by Him. I’ve definitely been guilty of saying “I was put on this Earth to fight injustice. I was put here to DO these things for the kingdom”. Truth is I wasn’t- I was created to be loved and BE with God. It’s that simple. Its living a life knowing God’s heart and that means the work we GET to do is overflow for the kingdom.
• Through a hurt back, I wrestled with what I truly believe. Do I believe that God is enough? If I never walk again is he enough? If I never get to do the things I want on the race is he enough? Do I believe he will fill the voids in my heart instead of seeking out something else to fill it-is he big enough? I’d be lying if I said my answer every day is a Yes. Then he redefined the verse “don’t worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself” (matt 6:34). It means to have the faith for today. I don’t have to have faith for tomorrow YET, be confident in anything for tomorrow yet. I just have to believe that God is who he says he is today, have that confidence today, the faith for TODAY. When tomorrow comes, it’ll be today and I’ll choose it again. When I have nothing else left I can go to the promise that He really is enough.
LOVE
• He redefined what Love is and isn’t this year. When you live with people 24/7 you really learn how to love well and when you get it wrong try again. I learned that love is patient, kind, gentle, its disarming, not self-seeking, not an obligation, not convenient, it leaves people whole, it’s joy and laughter and dancing, its honest, its hope, empowering and building bridges, it doesnt keep a record of wrongs, it’s forgiveness, its voicing what hurts, it’s “choosing in” even when you don’t want to, its not easily angered, its honoring one another, it protects one another (emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally), its sacrifice in the way someone else needs and acknowledging when others are doing the best they can, its fighting FOR one another because we’re not enemies. It’s an action not a feeling. You choose it even when its hard.
• I learned how to freely accept love without owing anything in return. People who love you will serve you and you owe nothing. You cant earn love. It’s a gift! That’s Jesus. It’s living without expectation of getting or giving anything in return.
• He taught me that only God’s love will fully satisfy. People will always get it wrong. Even if their love fills you for a moment its not something that will last every second of every day for the rest of your life. People hurt you intentionally or not. People are totally worthy of loving but they can’t be the place you recieve approval or your joy. God alone will fully satisfy and never let you down.
Phil walked with me through a lot of lessons this year. So, who the heck is Phil?
The beginning of the year before we left for the race we had an option to buy some keys with a word on it. The guy who makes the keys prayed over each request and gave an individualized word for each person for the year. Once the person who recieved the key has learned its purpose for them they get to give it away to whoever the Lord is laying on their heart.
As we unwrapped our keys at launch people had words like joy, wild, and strong. I was excited to see the word the Lord had for me this year so I was surprised when I looked at my key and it said Phil 4:13. I didn’t just get a single word I got a whole verse! “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13niv).
I knew this verse meant being content in all circumstances but I also knew if that’s what I was supposed to learn this year my key would have said content. As I re-read the verse I knew there was more to it. I read Philippians 4:13 in the message version which says “whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the one who makes me who I am”. As I wore that key around my neck I affectionately named it Phil.
One verse.
Identity. Dependence. Love.
God is really really good! I wish that word “good” could even come close but it doesn’t.
I’m a little late posting this but it’s my last blog and I’m officially home now! I would love to grab coffee or lunch after Thanksgiving! Blogging is not really my thing and God is really cool so I would love to chat, share stories, and catch up!
Thanks for joining me on this journey, for all the support and prayers! Until next time!
Ciao,
Vanessa!
