I have ALWAYS battled with fear.
Fear of heights, fear of singing in public, fear of rejection, fear of failure…
I came on this trip desperately wanting fear to be broken off of my life in every way.
Because where fear is, faith is not.
Where fear is, freedom is not.
I have a choice.
Fear…
Or faith and freedom.
This is a video of me singing at the church in Ecuador.
I sang this same song the month before, in the DR…
It was humiliating for me.
I sang it with a guy from the church.
We were off tune…the off-beat band tried to join in….I held the mic about 4 feet from my mouth and counted down the seconds until the song was over.
And I determined not to sing again.
But God and my teammates would have none of that!
So our last night at Km 17 in Ecuador, I was supposed to sing.
Walking to church, I told the pastor that though my team wanted me to sing, I wasn’t going to.
Then, while in church, I passed a note (mature, right?) to Shida and Renee telling them I wasn’t going to sing.
They were NOT happy about it. But I wasn’t budging.
Then the voice of the Lord chimed in…go figure… 🙂
“I have not given you a Spirit of fear.” (2 Tim. 1:7)
True….
“Sing praises to My Name.” (Ps. 66:2, 47:6, 68:4)
Touchè.
So I told the pastor mid-service that I was going to sing after all.
I got up there…about to vomit…sweating…red-faced….shaking…
And told them, in broken Spanish, the following:
“Everytime I sing in front of people, I am full of fear. But the Bible says that God has not given us a Spirit of fear. AND it tells us to sing praises to His name. So, although I am afraid, I am going to sing praises to my Lord anyway.”
I began to sing…shaky voice….eyes closed…still sweating…
The words I was singing began to take root in my heart….
I want to lift my hands to You
Marvelous Jesus
Miraculous Lord
Fill this place with Your presence
And descend your power
To those of us that are here
I believe in You Jesus
That which You will do in me
Receive all the glory
Receive all the honor
Precious Son of God
Then He told me to sing it through again.
So I did. (the video)
Fear was broken in me.
Faith and freedom prevailed.
Satan’s schemes were broken.
The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit prevailed.
A few days later, God gave me this song.
It’s still in process, but here’s what I’ve got so far. 🙂
Walking the line
Between faith and fear
A heart in torment
Longing to hear
The voice of my Abba
Over the lies
Speaking Truth in power
Calling the flesh to die
I choose faith Lord
Eyes fixed on Your face
Walking in the Spirit
Trusting in Your grace
No turning back
Fear is of the past
Out of the kingdom of darkness
Into the kingdom that lasts
Stepping forward as a son
No longer a slave
Rooted in the love
Of a Father who gave
Everything at the foot of the cross
For the glory of Your name
I count it all as loss
“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry ‘Abba, Father.'”
(Rom. 8:15)
