I could just keep walking. No one would have to know. The path keeps going, the tan dirt walkway disappears into the horizon just like my thoughts. Maybe I could find the place where the colors of that sunset start, where the red meets the coral and turns into a pink surrounded by gold that doesn't shimmer but glows.
If I just kept walking, maybe I could find a place that rains so much my soul would have to be filled.
It would only take one step at a time. I could just head in the direction of the distant lights that fill the dark night sky with a bit of hope. The place to the west that seems full of life and adventure and possibly nuts and berries.
Those thoughts clouded my mind as I sat on the corner of my concrete slab under the metal electric tower that overlooked the open field I found myself walking to every evening, a field I could recognize by the first glance of color reflected in the pond, making my world seem so much larger than it actually was.
brianna danese photo
This field knew me. It was there when I stood and screamed out to God, letting the wind drown out my cries or carry them away. This field welcomed me with the comfort of familiarity and the loyalty of always being there. It offered up peace and silence, songs and splashes, beauty and simplicity. The sky let my eyes glance the most beautiful sunsets and the most grey of evenings; a contrast that made the nights of color seem all the brighter and more heavenly.
I wanted to run this month. I wanted to hide away. I didn't want to keep being reminded that He was with me. That in every breeze, every star, every bird song and cricket band, in every early morning sunrise and ounce of peace I felt that my Father was right there with me, that He had me. I didn't want to know it. I didn't want my forgetful self to be reminded. I just wanted to run away, but He doesn't leave. He never forsakes. He is always there and I am never alone. We are never alone.
So I chose to stay. I chose to stand terrified and shaking on this path He set before me. A path that looked just like the dirt one heading west; narrow and continuous, a path going on for as far as my eyes could see. I knew not where either one would take me but I still stood, trusting that when I had the strength to walk, it would be with Him, it would lead to my Father. That when my sight was gone and I couldn't see the end, faith would be enough to guide me through.
