I love thinking about my relationship with God as a dance. My favorite chapter of my favorite book is actually entitled “Dancing” and talks about that very subject.
Over the past few months God has been hinting at the dance between discipline and passion – a dance I didn’t know and one I was pretending that I didn’t need to learn.
But He decided to bring me into a season of longing – a valley, a low, desolation, discipline, whatever it is you have learned to call it, I was in it and I was relating to all the Psalms that mentioned it.
“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night..”
-Psalm 42:1-3
I was becoming jealous of Moses – “I longed to dwell in his tent” (Psalm 61:4) I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just go down the hill and meet with my beloved Father. Where was He? Couldn’t He hear my cries?
“One thing I ask of the Lord this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple…My heart says of you, ‘seek his face!’ Your face, Lord, I will seek…”
-Psalm 27: 4&8
Then God showed me the humbling truth. Something I have spoken my entire life;
ACTIONS speak so much louder than words.
Yes my heart longed, I wanted to be near my Father, my best friend, my everything. I needed Him. But although my words were true and sincere, my actions did not show that I was seeking Him with my whole heart. I had forgotten the obedience, the discipline.
I was reminded of a friend’s words as he spoke to me about the flow between passion and discipline. How God will capture our hearts and leave us with those amazing feelings of His presence. But emotions are fleeting and in those moments when we don’t feel Him it’s important to continue seeking Him. To dive into His word, to pray harder than ever, to be obedient and to practice discipline. And when it gets to be too much, He’ll come in and sweep you off your feet again.
“…train yourselves to be godly. For physical training is of some value but godliness has value for all things, both in the present life and the life to come”
– 1 Tim. 4:7-8
My foundation was not built on the Rock, my foundation was not firm and I couldn’t get my feet underneath me. So God brought me into a season of longing to teach me and to show me areas of my life that I needed to work on. He led me to scriptures and sermons to build me up and to help me remember who He was and who He is.
I learned three very important things from an awesome man named Michael Bleecker.
He is Creator.
He is Savior.
He is ever-present.
It was no accident that Papa decided to teach me while I was in Tanzania. A place surrounded by His beauty, a place where I would share the Good News with strangers and a place where I could remember how near He truly is. He showed me how to sing praise in every circumstance.
“But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.”
-Job 36:15-16
In those times of longing, those times when He seems so far away, Papa is actually drawing you closer and closer to Him. He is romancing you through this dance, even if you’re still trying to learn the steps.
So dance away. It’s a blast.
