Everything about that sentence seems wrong at first glance. Isn't this the place you give up all that stuff to pack your life in a 40 lb backpack to live with the "least of these," wearing the same clothes for a week and praying a shower will happen this month because everyone else on the team smells so bad?
That's what I signed up for right?
Guess God had other plans.
He decided to speak to my feminine heart this month. He decided to speak to every aspect of my femininity to be exact. Something that indeed I have felt secluded from; more of a foreigner in the land of women than in the country I'm in now. The insecurities I grew up with started from the way my hair fell, down to the way I walked and didn't miss anything in between, resulting in a constant belief that I would never grasp an understanding of the woman inside of me, the air of femininity was just not for me, I just wasn't going to be that girl. The beautiful people I saw around me were just like the ones in the magazines only I couldn't turn the page or throw them in the corner. Now I'm surrounded 24/7 by 5 women who intimidated the hell out of me at first glance. An all-girls team. My worst nightmare. "If God knew me," I cried out, "then why would He do this to me. I'll never be able to open up to them. Look at them, look at me. Why God?"
Because my Father knows best, and He knows each of His daughters' hearts.
He knew exactly what we needed.
I truly believe that every woman is a beauty. That each one has a beauty inside of her that is ready to be let loose, to be drawn out. That our differences are stunningly beautiful and we each have something to offer. But the inside is where we must start, that's where it lies; in the same place God lives and breathes and takes delight in. The very heart that beats inside of us was breathed into life by our Father. He created it and loves it and knows it as His favorite. He sees everything we were, everything we are and everything we will be. He sees the beauty we hold and will pursue us with everything He has until it bursts forth into the nations. That beauty is His light in a darkening world. That's where my confidence needs to reside, in my Father, in His plan for me, in His love for me. My femininity comes from being a woman of God; a beloved daughter of Christ, His captivating bride.
"A woman's beauty should reside in the innermost center of her being…an imperishable ornament, a gentle, quiet spirit, which is of high value in the sight of God."
-Passion & Purity, paraphrased from Peter
And yes, a lot of those statements still seem foreign to me. They sound nice and pretty and great but there are times when they seem just that; statements, words on paper, sentences that will never be true for me.
That's why God knew I needed to be surrounded by His beautiful daughters. He knew that the encouragement, the affirmation and the challenges they will bring into my life are exactly what I need. We're walking the same path, some calling from ahead, some pushing from behind, never one leaving the other in the dust. We know each other's hearts as women more than any man ever will. And in that God gave us the power, the ability and the choice to pour into each other. The more we encourage each other the more Papa encourages us. The more confidence we pour into one another the more we receive from our Father. Found in His words, His stories, His simple presence that lives in each of us. The presence that unifies and complements and differentiates us all at the same time. The beautiful knowledge that God is here in the beautiful women around me.
I love it.
