How good are you at balancing? Balancing your check book, balancing your meals, balancing your alone time? Well what about balancing on a paddle board?? It’s a lot more difficult than you would think..
One of our ministry sites this last week was on the beach! I know.. What a dream! We partnered with a man that lives on a small island about 15 minutes of a boat ride off the coast of Cartagena. Sounds magical huh? Well, it’s not. This island is over packed and under staffed. There is no public trash system, no police, and only one school (except most of the kids don’t even attend school).. That’s another thing, a little over 50% of this islands population is made up of children.
That’s where Pedro comes in. He’s a 30 year old man that has devoted his life and land (inherited from his deceased father) to these kids and their development. He said that many of them are like dogs. They don’t know how to use a toilet, clean up after themselves or properly shower.. Let alone balance on a paddle board.
People like Pedro are the heroes in my book. The people I aspire to be like, the people that wake up early, and go to bed late, for the sake of others, not because they have to, but because they want to.
Disclaimer: I am not sharing this with you to prove to you that were doing incredible work here, or that you should be here or that you shouldn’t have all that you have. I am sharing real and raw stories of people that live this life day to day so that we may spread the word, educate, and further more love each other in true love and acceptance.
I’ve been learning SO much, it’s difficult to put it into words. Especially an amount of words that people will actually take the time to read. I wanted this weeks blog to reflect more of what God is doing in my life personally, especially because of how hard it can be to open up about what we are currently struggling with and working through.
With that, first things first: Practice makes practice! When you’re learning to balance on a paddle board, it can be scary with the waves trying to knock you over, then your foot slips a little, you completely lose your balance before you can realize it, you plop into the water with yet again another fail. But that’s it, the water is there to catch you. So what is there to catch you when you’re balancing life, finances, a career, family, and oh yeah, God. It takes discipline. Not just discipline to complete a goal, but discipline to pick yourself back up when you fail, over and over and over again. THAT is discipline.
I am terrible with discipline. Somewhere during the years of my adolescence, I learned that many people cut corners in this life and it’s far too easy to do this and get away with it. A little bit late to track practice in high school or missing one or two assignments never got me taken out of a meet or an F in any class. So when it came to learning how to love God, love yourself, and love your neighbor.. I tried to cut corners. Yet, I only cheated myself in the end.
Loving God
I’m reading a book called The Shack. Never heard of it? Go read it, now. It has completely altered my view of the relationship of the trinity and how we as humans and God’s beloved children are created to be a pivotal point in this relationship. We are ought to love God as He loves us. The author describes it so well..
“You cannot produce trust just like you cannot ‘do’ humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me”
I want to love God like this, but I am holding myself back because I am not properly loving myself..
Loving Yourself
Alone time for me is painful. Luckily we don’t get much of that here. The few minutes I get to myself, I am glued to my phone to post blogs, after staying up extra late to be able to focus enough to write them and even then there are always people coming up to chat and see how I am doing. So the few times (I quite literally mean few, as in 3 times I can recall) I have gotten to spend time completely alone with God, I have been able to confide in Him like never before. Not because I figured out how finally focus on Him only, but because He has met me exactly where I am. That’s how much He loves me. He doesn’t push or pry, He waits. And knocks. And waits. He’s also been showing me how to do this with my teammates.
Loving others
The first week here, I shied away from sharing too much, too fast with my team. I was afraid they wouldn’t love me regardless of what I’ve done and where I’ve been. The more I heard their stories come to life and begin to see their strengths and weaknesses, I loved them more. For sharing, for opening up, and for trusting us.
Trust is a funny thing. Especially when it’s your only option in such a small group of people such as my team. It didn’t take long before I needed them. I needed them to support me because I can’t support myself. I needed them to encourage me and push me because even though I desire growth, I’m not usually full of joy when talking about the hard stuff. Since I’ve opened up more to trusting them, and seeing how they still CHOOSE to love me, not because they have to, but because they want to.. I see more of Jesus’ heart for me. He chooses to love me. He chooses to stay with me, through it all. I don’t understand why I am blessed with this Father that is my dad, but I know more than ever before how He loves me exactly how I NEED.. I don’t know anyone on Earth who does that all the time, without ceasing.
This is where I’ve asked God for grace-filled brokenness. I have always felt like growth and maturity should be painful. It should be hard and full of consequences since I’m so clearly doing something wrong. However this year, I’ve felt this call to pray for a kind of brokenness that would show me the grace and kindness that God carries. I want to know His gentleness and compassion for me. I want to feel His deep love and care for who I am, as I am, without feeling like I need to change or be better. I want to trust Him, with my heart so that I stop searching for this kind of love from others and look at Him as the ultimate care taker.
I know it in my bones that God redeems, and helps people proclaim what He has done in their lives. I am anxious for the day I will walk in more boldness and boast in Him, no one else. Except maybe how good I am at balancing on that paddle board! Ha!
Please continue to pray for me, my team, and our finances (we have 1 month to reach $13,000) and it’s been coming in slowly but surely! I can’t wait for the blog I get to share when we are fully funded!! We are in this together, thank you for continually standing with me in this. It fills my heart more than words could ever explain.
Prayer Requests:
1. Trust trust trust in God, in my teammates, and what He wants to use me for here on the field
2. Funds and moral support from home
3. September! My team is going to GUYANA soon and we will be with a host family (I think), cooking our own meals, and frankly spending A LOT more time together
