Sometimes I feel like the anti-Samson. In the Bible, Samson was a man God chose as a redeemer for the Israelites who were under Philistine oppression. God made a covenant with Samson about his hair, among other things, and Samson was not supposed to cut it. Eventually, Samson fell under the spell of Delilah, who cut Samson's hair, robbing him of God's strength. The real issue wasn't the hair, it was the fact that Samson chose to focus on something other than God and what God wanted to do through him. The issue was Samson began to find his worth and pride in his appearance and physical strength rather than the strength and purpose God gave to him.
Four and a half years ago, I shaved my head. I raised money for St. Baldrick's, which donates money to pediatric cancer research, and shaved my head to show support for those with cancer. At the time, my hair was past my shoulders. It was a noble and good thing to do, but it also served a personal purpose. It gave me a self-confidence that I had never had before. Through my shaved head, God taught me a lot about my worth in Him. The fact that I had shaved off my hair gave me an inner strength and reliance on God that I had previously lacked. I blossomed with newfound confidence in the fact that I was beautiful in God's eyes, even if I had shaved off what others considered part of beauty.
However, over the years my lack of hair has become part of my identity. It stopped being a source of God's teaching and instead became a point of pride. I have taken pride in the attention I get, the compliments on my guts and appearance, and the fact that I am perceived as a strong, assertive woman. All these things are not bad in and of themselves, but I have let them define me. And that's wrong. Because only God can define me. Any confidence or assurance I have needs to come from Him, not from myself. Instead of taking pride in flowing locks as Samson did, I have let my lack of them become a focus in my life.
So.
I just shaved my head again the other night. And that is the last time I will do so in the foreseeable future. I (with the help of some squadmates challenging me in this and helping me process my thoughts…thank you Adam, LaShon, and Linsey) have decided to not cut my hair beyond the occasional trim and shaping for the entirety of my Race. From now until I land on U.S. soil once again, I am growing my hair out. I will no longer let my hair define me. God wants to teach me again to find my worth and identity in Him, not my appearance. Any confidence people see in me needs to point back to my Savior and Lord, the one who is daily shaping me into His likeness. It's amazing what God teaches me daily, even through something as silly as hair. Guess I better find a comb.
