I had laid down to take a nap on the plane and when I woke up I couldn’t straighten my knee or put any weight on it. That is the super cool story I get to tell everyone when explaining how I began training camp. Yep, that’s right I am setting off in three months to travel around the world with nothing but a backpack… and I incapacitate myself while taking a nap on a plane. Super cool, indeed.
With that injury I was left, in essence, completely dependent upon strangers. The hardest part of that situation wasn’t that they were strangers, but that I needed them. Within the first twelve hours I was forced to be on the receiving end of numerous acts of service. I had to let go of my pride and, above all, self-reliance. At one point in the airport, I had four paramedics, two army men, three workers for Delta airlines (I didn’t even fly Delta… but they were really helpful), and a nurse from Wisconsin all staring at my unshaven leg. I cried on the phone to two people I had never met before. I couldn’t untie my own shoe or take off my own pants to change into pajamas. I had to stop my self from crying in front of an AIM staffer and an emergency room nurse when she told me I wouldn’t be able to walk for the rest of the week. Stupid knee.
I wish I could say that I was able to quickly overcome my issues with dependence. I want to say that within the first day I discovered a balance of strength and need, setting me free from the sin of pride and chains of self-reliance. Alas, this is not the fairy tale ending of this blog. I am now in the third day of camp and everyday it is becoming harder for me to continually be in a place of need. I find myself pushing the limits of what my knee can do and paying for it later. We played capture the flag as a team; I left my crutches behind and hobbled up a hill… an hour later two teammates had to carry me back to my room. Any novelty of being doted upon or asked how I am doing has worn off and I am now struggling to maintain grace, joy, and a purpose as I continually find myself relegated to the role of cheerleader. It’s hard. I want my knee to be better. But God is good and great. He realized that it would take a physical struggle to reach the hardened places of my heart. Who knew that it would take a bum knee to reveal some underlying issues with love, value, and coping mechanisms?
