Sitting here, trying to think of how to articulate the randomness that is myself, I realize that I am a mess of contradictions. I love fiercely, but fear fiercely being loved. I desire depth in thought and action, but cannot help but laugh randomly and loudly. I cannot carry a tune, yet often sing as I walk to class. I am afraid of so many things- squirrels, roller coasters, boats– but I find myself running to the edge of those fears ready to jump off. I love stability, but am going to spend a year of my life submitting fully to the will of God with nothing more than a backpack and faith. I don’t make sense. But I kind of think that is the best part about me. I am blessed in that one of my earliest memories includes walking into a church and learning about God, that my childhood was one familiar God’s love, grace, and truth. I am equally blessed that I have known a life without Him as my center and everything. Most of my teen years were spent in denial of His truth and running away from His love. I allowed the lies of Satan to define me and rule my life. It was painful; it hurt. I know that I better understand God’s love because of those years, so I will never regret them. But many lessons had to be learned by falling face first. And for that reason, I know that I am blessed. God’s grace and love truly reached me when I was 18. There wasn’t a precise moment, but at some point He gained control and began the process of fully capturing my heart. At 21 years old, I am just learning what it means to be a “grown-up” and, to be honest, there are moments I am terrified. But I love life, I want an adventure, and I want to grow more into the woman that God has made me to become. Figuring out exactly who that is has became a great journey towards intimacy with Him. I love it. I love my family. I have two sisters, who have taught me patience, honesty, and the power of a good inside joke over a bad mood. From my father I have learned how to serve others, what it means to work hard, and the stubborn ambition it takes to love others continually. From my mother I have learned the importance of listening completely, the freedom of feeling everything, and the joy of starting over even when its hard. I am not blind to the impact that my dearest friends have had on who I am and will become; they are good people whom I honestly believe will change the world. God is showing me more and more what it is means to be His daughter and how that effects every part of me. My deepest prayer is that I learn to let self die, so that Christ may wholly consume me. Loves: being outdoors, napping, reading a good book (this especially includes Russian novels), random conversations that stick with you, singing while driving, worshiping loudly, the rain, not needing an alarm to wake you up, being domestic, teaching children, discovering words and using them, and learning to be still, laughing until you can’t breathe, the use of accents (I strongly encourage them at all times), random outbursts that really have nothing to do with the conversation, having a good song stuck in your head for days.
