Kat Kendall of 2014 H Squad was nervous about spending the morning at a special needs’ orphanage. Then she met a little girl who changed her life.
I listened to worship music the entire way to ministry that morning. But upon pulling up to the orphanage, the knot returned to the pit of my stomach, the same knot that shows up every time I have to work with with individuals with special needs.
I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and walked in the door. Within moments I felt my usual hesitancy melting away. In its place, I saw each of those precious children for who they were – HIS precious children.
We spent half of our time downstairs, playing with the older children, and the children with more independence. It was a sweet time of laughs, tickles, hugs, games, and love. Then we were escorted up to the second floor, where the younger children and the children with more severe disabilities lived.
I’ve walked into many orphanages in my life, but walking into that room immediately made me sick, uncomfortable, and heart-broken. I stood frozen in the doorway for a few moments, overwhelmed by how many children lay waiting to be fed, cuddled, loved, noticed.
And then my eyes fell on her. In the far left corner of the room, she lay in her orange pajamas. Curled up on her side, fast asleep on her short cot.
My heart stopped. Breath left my lungs.
Who was she? What was her name? What was her story? So many questions ran through my mind. But honestly, none of them mattered. All that mattered was that she was in the room, I was in the room, and I was in love.
I’d love to tell you stories of how I held her for hours, loved on her, kissed her till she couldn’t stop smiling, and fed her till her belly could hold no more. But to be honest, sadly, that was not the case. She slept soundly most of the time that we were there, only waking when an orphanage worker woke her up to feed her. Then, for a few – blessed, glorious, cherished – moments, I got to sit beside her, pray over her, then picked her up and carried her to her cot.
I have never felt more complete than in those seconds that she lay in my arms. The moment I laid her frail body on the cot, she turned on her side and curled up, ready to go back to sleep. My heart melted all over again.
I left, shattered in a way I have never felt in my entire life. I’ve never felt such heart-wrenching brokenness as I did that moment. Walking out of the front door of that orphanage felt like I was physically ripping open my chest and tearing out my heart and lungs.
As I sat on the bus back to our district, I plugged my earbuds back in and processed what just happened. I have never been one to connect with kids quickly, let alone at first sight. So how did I fall deeply in love with this little girl in an instant?
Then this worship song came on:
“What a mystery
That you notice me.
And in a crowd of ten thousand
You don’t miss a thing”.
(Bethel Music, “We Will Not Be Shaken”)
That’s when I began to understand. When I walked in that room, I could have easily been distracted by everything going on. But this girl captured my attention immediately and fully. Every move she made, I noticed. Even while I played with other children, I still noticed her.
The night before, I had asked God to give me his eyes and heart for the day, so that I could see the children as he did. And he gave me a glimpse of the way he sees us. Even in a crowd of ten thousand people, seeing me, his child, he is delighted. His heart bursts with love and joy. He is attentive to my every breath, every move; and he is more than content to simply be in the same room as me. Unlike my own human experience, however, He has the amazing ability to do that for every single person. He is that way for each of his children all across the globe, simultaneously!
I don’t know what the Lord’s plan is for this girl. I have no clue how or if I fit into that plan. I have no clue whether I will ever see her precious face again in person.
All I know is that this little girl captured my heart. She showed me that I am capable of loving a child with incredible fierceness and completeness. She taught me how my own heavenly Father sees me, and how he continues to see me every single day. And I am forever grateful for every minute I got to spend silently by her side, for every second that I got to hold her in my arms.
Team Woven Visits Thien Phuoc Orphanage from Katherine Kendall on Vimeo. Music by Bethel Music, “We Will Not Be Shaken”
Do you feel called to share God’s love with the orphans of this world? Find out how you can here.
