"You do not have to fight this battle. Position yourselves, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord."
2 Chronicles 20:17
God has been speaking to me very adamantly this week, He's been specific about me seeking Him and striving for His presence in my life in all areas which is something I have been lacking in of late. He is very good at correcting us through love and allowing us to transition and position our hearts to change. On the world race I have decided to fast in every country. I don't share that with you to display my amazing christianity to you, I am simply telling you this because it is part of my story, so don't think I am looking for your approval, I don't need yours when I have His. I assure you there is no christian of the year award that I am trying to receive, and even if there was I wouldn't even be in contention. So don't read between the lines and think there is some kind of pat on the back or sympathy that I am trying to attain, there isn't any. Because its the 3rd month of the race I decided to fast for 3 days. On the morning of the last day(yesterday) the Lord spoke and told me to fast another day. With less than 12 hours to go on the water only fast, I wasn't looking forward to another day, and so I complained and argued for a while until finally submitting in obedience to the Lord.
Waking up this morning and hoping this was the last day of the fast, you can imagine I was shocked to learn that God wanted me yet again to fast another day. There was a slight hint, a slight second of argument in my heart before I completely readjusted my heart and said God "as hungry as I am for food I am hungry for you and desire you more than I desire food". Almost immediately the Lord replied "congratulations you've passed the test, go eat." What?! Go it, didn't you just say fast another day? At first I suspected it was the devil and thought nope God just spoke and said to add another day. I decided to test the spirit as we are instructed to do according to 1 John 4:1. "Daddy can I have cheese cake?" I asked. "Yes" the Lord responded. Okay this is weird…. "what about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?". "Yes, enjoy all that I have given and placed before you." After realizing this truly was the voice of the Lord I took communion in a recommitment to the Lord and then I had breakfast. The lesson I learned this morning I couldn't have possibly learned any other way that how the Lord taught me.
This is what I learned. The point of the fast wasn't to starve myself, it wasn't to reach a specific time, a specific number of days, or any of that. Really it was simply to position my heart to be obedient to the word of the Lord. See at times we get out of line and miss out on the big things God has in store for us because we won't obey in the small things, with that God has to deal with us in love and correct us in love. I sought God and his presence through a fast and once God saw the position of my heart he challenged my desire for him and challenged my obedience to him. Once my heart was repositioned to a place of complete obedience and surrender, the test was over and it was time to partake of food in order to gain my physical strength back. I learned that it is better to suffer in obedience than it is to live in remorse. Meaning that I would rather be in physical hunger for an extra day rather than miss out on the presence of God in my life. Once God saw the shift in my heart, His correction in love was complete, and it was time to enjoy all he had for me today.
Here's a good example of what I mean of God correcting us in love. In Mark 10:17-22 we read the story of the rich young ruler. A young rich man asks Jesus "what he must to do inherit eternal life?" Jesus responds and says that the man knows the commandments and that he should follow them. The man claims that in fact he does know the commandments and has followed them since his youth. In Mark 10:21 it says "Then, looking at him, Jesus loved him and said, "You lack on thing: Go, sell all you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
I find it both interesting and encouraging that it says "Jesus loved him." At first glance it seems that Jesus is telling the man He has to give away everything He has to inherit eternal life, but I personally think Jesus was challenging the mans heart just as He did to me this morning. We know in the story that the man went around grieving believing he would never inherit eternal life because he sought only to keep the possessions for himself. But what if he would have obeyed and gave it all away to receive all He could from Jesus, which is access to the Father as well as eternal life?
See it's always about the position and motive of our heart, and many times we miss out on the blessings and promises of God because our heart isn't positioned in the right place. There is no doubt in my mind had I not submitted and surrendered to God this morning I wouldn't be writing this blog right now and I wouldn't have enjoyed my breakfast pb&j and a cup of coffee. Instead my flesh would be struggling for energy and my spirit would still be crying out to God for more of His presence even though I'd just missed the point. We need to allow God to correct us at times, and know that through love he always seeks to position our heart in the right place for him to pour out more of His spirit on us.
The last few months my heart hasn't been in the best position to love. In fact I've done an extremely poor job at loving people that I have been around. From my teammates to my squad mates, the motive of my heart wasn't always correct and I've had a hard time loving the christians that are around me. God has repositioned my heart to realize that through my strengths I can make them strong, and I can be strengthened through theirs as well(Romans 15:1-2). I've also learned the importance of working for the good of all especially those who belong to the household of faith(Galations 6:23). God has repositioned my heart from a selfish heart of me, me, me, into a heart of humility seeking to count others more important than myself(Phillipians 2:3). I leave you with this, ask God to expose to you whats in your heart and ask him to rip out what doesn't belong.
"Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God." 1 Corinthians 4:5
