I praise your name
And I’m trying not to question you
I know my life isn’t just a game to you
But I look around and all the players look the same, it’s true
See I know that you’re a God who giveth and taketh away
But I’m only 18 and I’m not really sure how to live as a stray
My mom told me we were getting evicted
And I thought awe man, not again
But it also wasn’t that casual
No, my world felt like it was crumbling in
You called me to a mission trip
With a mountain of costs
And I’m trying to maintain a mustard seed
And not focus on all this loss
So here I am Lord
Finally calling to you
As I start to become pieces
I ask that you be my glue
And I know you have a plan
And that I’m not meant to have a clue
So I’m trying to trust and not understand
But quite frankly I’m scared and don’t know what to do
Do I ask the congregation for support for my calling or my life
See because this thing I’m honored to be a part of is only 9 months
The rest is a whole lotta pillar and strife
In less than a month I must
Vacate a premises
and find a place to live
Raise 5,000 dollars
And thank those willing to give
Pay for the truck I wrecked
The same day you called me to this shindig
And somehow not stress, but know
That this is one contest I don’t have to rig
I’m leaving for a wilderness trip
And I hope we speak face to face
I merely ask that you be my strength
As you so abruptly try to teach me faith
And when I get back and have nothing but 2 weeks left
To fulfill these massive goals
I ask that you stay with me
And never let me forget who’s in control
God I praise you for being so masterful
And working so far out of my reach
I’m literally incapable
Of doing anything on my on right now. So here I am to listen. Go on and teach
I praise you for putting me in stressful situations
That cause me to turn to you
And in the midst of it all when I’m feeling the pressure
I praise you for allowing me to feel blue
We’re such complex beings
And every day in life is a walk in your imagination
Sometimes it seems a little twisted
But isn’t every marvelous creation?
For those who haven’t found a calling
Or have and just don’t see the way
Know that it’s hard not to doubt and fear and you’re not alone in that struggle
But God is with you and goes before you and while it may be hard to believe or even suck to hear, it’s gonna be okay
A mustard seed is so much smaller than the dust that collects on the books on our shelves
And while we face these mountains before us while trying to even grasp the definition of faith
You must know that the first and most important part is that we. Don’t. Have. To. Do. It. By. Ourselves!!
I’m not really sure how to properly blog I just know that I’m supposed to share myself and my journey and that this is how you know what you’re pitching in on. Right now I am coming to terms with what seems like the end of my childhood and trying to embrace the idea that God loves me personally so much that he wants to show me the impossible and wants to involve me in the process of expanding His kingdom that I only recently stopped doubting I was a part of and also trying to learn how to praise Him while he shows me what exactly I had and realize how amazing it is to know you had something worth being affected by when it’s lost and just manohman He’s doing a lot right now. But every now and then for a few moments sprinkled throughout my day weaved into the chaos and the many attempts Satan makes to try and separate me from Him and His grace, I feel a sense of peace and know that no matter what I do as long as I believe and remain hopeful and faithful and just simply do as He asks He is going to show me just how miraculous He can be. And I have no idea if this money is all going to come streaming in last second or within the week I’m on a river in Arkansas with no phone or contact at all with the people who felt led to help out or the instant I get back or what but I know it’s going to happen so just in case I don’t blog again before then, thanks in advance you have no idea how friggin much I appreciate you you kind soul!! And I know that God is going to repay you abundantly for working towards Him and His ministry. Okay I’m not really sure how to end this and it’s crazy how you can feel awkward through a screen buttttt anyways that’s a wrap pt 1 haha. Peace out Girl Scouts:)
6.11.17 1:26 am
