Friends, to be honest, I really debated back and forth about whether to share this or not, so bare with me as I am still learning and putting my thoughts together about it all.
So one of the ministries in Penang that we got to be a part of on Friday nights was called Friday Night Burn at PENHOP (Penang House Of Prayer). This was basically a night of prayer and praise worship for 4 hours from 8pm to midnight. And to be honest, I did not want to be there. I was tired and just would have rathered be back in bed. So I honestly planned just to find a corner, listen to music and play on my phone to keep myself awake the whole time. It wasn’t right, but that was just the attitude I was in going into that night. So that’s what I did for the first hour and then the Lord caught my attention. I kept finding myself staring at this wall of stories and facts of child labor, human and sex trafficking and eventually I couldn’t take my eyes away from it. So I got up and took a closer look at it and the Lord allowed my heart to start breaking for those people. And so I spent the rest of the night in prayer for all those involved, especially those here in the community i’m living in. It was in that that God was preparing my heart and prayers for an opportunity I would have a few days later.
If you read my last blog post about life in Malaysia, you would have read that we do street outreach on Wednesday nights and one of the areas that a small group of people go for that is in the red light district. And so I knew that following week there was going to be an opportunity to go to that part of town if I wanted it. And I did not want to go to that area, but I felt the Lord leading me to go with that group. And so I went, and it was the toughest three hours of ministry of my life.
You see, if you’re like me, you have probably heard about the red light district through seminars in college or different videos you have seen online from non-profits and it breaks your heart. You maybe imagine what it would be like to go into one of those areas around the world and maybe imagine what the emotions you might feel being there and seeing everything. But, all the seminars and videos in the world about it could not have prepared me for that night.
Myself and three other women hopped in the car and headed to the area of the red-light district. And the area of the district we went to happened to be down a dark alley way. I believe we spent time talking to and praying for about four different women that night. Some there by choice, others because they have no other choice. The second woman we got the opportunity to talk to was a woman in her 60’s who has been in and out of the business for a long time. The girls did most of the talking with her while I just stood there and spent time in prayer. And while this was going on, right behind us there was a rugged looking building that men and woman kept going in and out of and “secretly” paying the old guy sitting right outside. When I noticed this all going on, the only thing I knew and could do was just pray harder. It was tough to see and think about all that, but I held it together.
As we finished up praying over this sweet woman, our leader that we were with recognized the woman that just came out of the building so we made our way over to sit and talk with her. Again, the ladies carried the conversation with her, I just sat there and prayed for her. My heart broke for her as I felt her burdens and brokenness and the hopelessness she felt. And the entire time we were sitting there which was probably for about 20 minutes, this guy on his moto literally drove by every single minute watching all of us. He was obviously her next customer. Each time he drove by, I couldn’t help but stare back at him. I became overcome with so much anger and sadness, but also love and care and so many more emotions all at once that I just lost it and sat there in tears. I sat there in tears never praying so hard for two people I don’t know, I sat there in tears with so many questions and asking God why?
I left that night broken and with a heavier heart than I’ve ever had before trying to process everything I just experienced and felt. I didn’t sleep much that night as I couldn’t get all of their faces out of my head and feeling so broken for them all. And honestly, for the next two days I kind of grew numb about the whole thing. I tried praying, but I just couldn’t get any words out, so I just didn’t pray at all. And in a way, I was just kind of mad at God for allowing me to experience that and not answering my questions. I wasn’t happy or joyful those next few days. I knew that this wasn’t healthy, so I tried processing everything with one of my squadmates who was there, which really helped shift me back in the right direction in processing it all in a healthy way and asking God different questions then what I was previously asking Him.
So what has the Lord been teaching me through this specific experience? There are a few things, but the thing I want to talk about is love. You’re probably thinking, “Really? Love? Sounds like the complete opposite of love.” But yes, the Lord has been teaching me about love, His love. That despite the lives that each one of them are living, the guys and the women, Jesus loves them just as much as he loves me. Which in the moment, with all the emotions I was feeling, this was really hard to believe. But He kept bringing me to scripture about His never ending, unconditional love for the whole world. That whether or not they know it, He loves them dearly and desires their heart. The Lord is teaching me, they need Him and His love and mercy and forgiveness and saving grace, just as much as I needed and need it. Sometimes Jesus’ love is really hard to comprehend and understand, and I guess that’s one of the things thats makes His love so beautiful. No-one deserves it, but He gives it to everyone just as freely and equally no-matter who they are or what they have done.
Before I left on the race and during it I have prayed that the Lord would break my heart for what breaks His and learn to love like He loves. I wasn’t expecting Him to start answering my prayer the way He has through this situation, but i’m thankful He did. Yes, my heart is broken for those involved in prostitution, sex and human trafficking. But experiencing a little glimpse of it first hand has opened my eyes and broken my heart all the more and changes how I pray for those involved. And as for the Lord teaching me how to love more like Him? It’s easy for me to love those women and children being bought, but not a chance to love those doing the buying. But the Lord loves them too, and If I really meant what I was praying about wanting to love like Jesus does, I need to love those doing the buying too. That wasn’t easy for me to hear from the Lord, but I knew it was true. And so I am learning to love them as Jesus does, which is not easy, but I’m trying.
I thank the Lord for allowing me to experience all that I saw and felt that day and the days following. For opening my eyes wider and teaching me the things He is through it.
I close with a favor to ask of each of you. Will you please pray? Pray not only for those being bought, but also for the ones doing the buying. And pray for me as I continue to learn to love more like Jesus even though it’s hard and sometimes the last thing I want to do.
Thank You!
Andrew
