It’s been almost 2 months sing training camp, and I leave for World Race launch in 27 days. I’m also freaking out. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve had legitimate thoughts about not going. My job is going amazing, there are opportunities that are coming up that everything in my logic says I shouldn’t pass up because they’d advance my career, the people are incredible, and I’m going to miss it. I’m trying to sell my house, get everything packed up, finish doctors appointments and getting vaccines and gear and everything I need to finalize before leaving. I’m leaving friendships that have become lifelines for me in this last season and I really dont want to leave those people behind. I’m about to spend my last holiday of the year with my family and I wont see them for 11 months. And its overwhelming.
If there’s one thing I learned at Training Camp it’s that Vulnerability is an art, and it’s also an incredible strength, that not only opens doors into people’s lives and building relstionships, but also brings so much freedom. For the past week I’ve had dreams where I wake up hyperventilating and literally crying in my sleep because I’m having panic attacks in my dreams about going on the Race. I want to go on the Race and I’m excited about it, but at the same time, I’m terrified. I’m afraid of missing out on the lives of my friends, thinking about what I’m going to do when I come back, what if I dont get fully funded? I’m missing the birth of my best friends baby, my other best friend is moving to my city as I’m leaving and I wont see them for a year.
Despite all of this going on, I’m encouraged. I’m encouraged because I know my life is going to change, I’m about to form lifelong bonds with my squad, and I get to travel the world spreading the Love of Jesus. It’s also a journey for me, a time for me to finally know who I am and what I’m supposed to do with my life. So in 27 days everything is about to change! I’d like to say this is the beginning of me being comfortable being vulnerable, but even talking about this was hard, because it feels shameful and embarrassing. But too often we spend so much time putting on a face acting like everything is ok, when what people need to see is the real life behind the lens. So here was a small glimpse into my life and the preparation for the Race!
