In my last blog titled Questions I mentioned that I felt like God was always out to punish me. After praying through this time and time again, the answer was beginning to be revealed to me. I’ve been struggling with this thought, and have been trying to find out the answer to this question in my life for a long time now…years. Our Father laid this on me…
Growing up, I never received a spanking that I didn’t deserve. And I earned every spanking that I received. Every bit of the punishment that was passed my way was simply because of my actions. And for every wrong that I had committed against another, they had every reason to be angry, upset, or even hurt by me. You see, anytime there was an opportunity for an individual to be angry or upset with me, they took it. And for every wrong that was committed against me, I would simply hold on to that anger and let it grow inside of me. Finding it hard to forgive, and harder to forget. So I took the opportunity to neglect showing mercy too.
Now, mercy became a beautiful word that I had never seen put into practice. I never practiced being merciful, and I didn’t feel like anyone was ever merciful to me. How do you know if you are merciful? Unless God gives you an opportunity to show mercy to another! God disciplines those He loves, so I took the punishment and hurt I had received from others and applied that in my walk with Christ. Thinking, this hurt must mean that God loves me. And since I hadn’t felt like anyone was truly merciful to me, it became difficult for me to see how God was merciful.
I had never known the feeling of being completely vulnerable, embarrassed, ashamed, and completely broken in front of someone and then hearing them say: “I love you. I forgive you. Everything is okay. I’m here. You’re still good in my eyes. I’m not leaving you.” I felt this mercy just a few months ago. This is the mercy I had searched for for years! What a blessing to find it! To feel it! Now, to give it!
In Matthew 25, Jesus says “I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited Me in, I needed clothes and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me, I was in prison and you came to visit Me.” I’m 22, and not until last week have I ever said these words to Jesus: “I was hungry and YOU gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and YOU gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and YOU invited me in, I needed clothes and YOU clothed me, I was sick and YOU looked after me, I was in prison and YOU came to visit me.” This is His mercy! Amen! This is His promise! Let me testify to you, that God is merciful! With all my flaws, His love and mercy remain true! Amen, and Amen!
With all of my questions, God says “keep asking Me.” With all of my doubts, God says, “I am patient.” And with all of my sins, God says “I am merciful.” Even when I failed to see it for 22 years, He was showing His mercy for me the entire time! He met every need that I had, and continues to do so.
Well, here I am. A goal for me in this next year and for the rest of my life is to show mercy to everyone…everyone. James 2:13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful…
