(Our team leader recently shared with me a video that changed my life. I highly encourage you to take the time and watch it, but I’ll give you a bit of a rundown to start you out.)
Admittedly, I had always struggled with feeling out of place. In even the happiest of situations, one thought led to another, and I found myself in the middle of one big pity party, questioning my own self-worth, value and necessity. From the moment I showed up at a social event to the time I left, I was in a constant state of paranoia, listening to every lie from the enemy imaginably possible. Even with my own close friends and family, I lived in constant fear of being hurt and rejected, holding people at arm’s length while carefully evaluating whether or not I could trust letting them come any closer to my bruised and broken soul. When someone became too close, and began to see beneath the façade I put forth, I lashed out, sinking my hurtful words deep into the tender flesh of those I loved most. Person after person, relationship after relationship, I pushed myself as far away as possible from anyone who could ever possibly see me for who I thought I was… broken, worthless, dirty, unwanted, pathetic, and utterly alone.
Now I’m not sure what I expected to happen when I signed up for The World Race. This had been the cycle of my life for years and years and I had begun to see myself as unchangeable, “good enough”, and just a girl on a journey to find out more about this Jesus Christ she had committed her life to serving. I could not have been more misdirected. Questions and teachings began to flow into my mind, and all of a sudden I’m shaking because the world that I lived in for so long has been turned inside out, even shattered with the truth of God’s love, mercy, and grace.
It is done. Three simple words. I’m done struggling. My life has been transformed by this new way of living in complete and total surrender to the Lord. I will NEVER go back to my old self. It was necessary to tear down the strongholds that I had allowed Satan to have in my mind for so long, but beyond that, why was I giving so much credit to the enemy?? I sat there and struggled, and struggled some more, asked for prayer, and struggled again. All I really needed to do was turn my mind to solely focus on God’s truth, praising and thanking Him for the victory I already had, which at last gave me freedom to walk in the love He so richly poured out for me.
