There are honestly a million different things I could write about that would give you a glimpse of y life on the race, and each of then would be really cool to share. But the honest truth is that if you’re reading this at home, you will never fully understand what I am feeling. Part of that is due to it not being possible to write about everything, and some of it that there are just things that I can’t really share. The list of reasons why just goes on and on, and you just have to comfortable with on seeing what can be shown.
The reality is that thee race is beautiful and ugly all at the same time. There are ups inside the downs, and downs in the ups. There are times that I just want to run from it all, and there are time where there is nothing else that I would rather run to. The race is a living contradiction, and I’m just learning to accept that. There is no other experience quite like it. I get the opportunity to grow so much, yet there are times where I just get pushed back so far. I’m just learning to live in that, because that is what I’m learning life is.
Much like the race, being with 5 other people at all times is beautiful and ugly. There are days that I just love them so much and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but with them; then there are the days that I just can’t stand to even be in the room with them. The things is that those are the days that I really learn to rely on the Lord. Those days, you just have to choose to live in the joy that the Lord offers, and hope that you just don’t go off on someone over something stupid. On the days that everything is beautiful, those are the days that residing in joy is easy, mostly because there are 5 other people around you living in the same joy. Nothing brings as much life as that, encouragement is just flowing all around.
The most difficult days in my opinion are the days that you are the only happy one, where all the people around you are reeling and in a funk. On those days, I find it really difficult not to slip into that same funk and mood as the rest of the team. But we’re not called to do that, I’m called to live in the joy that the Lord has for me. To be honest, it is really difficult to do that at times. Standing firm in a good mood is so hard, when all you see is others doing the opposite. It is one of those situations that I can’t really give you the full scope because it is just one of those things that you have to experience to understand.
Some days, the race is one of the easiest things to be on (or at least it feels like it), and then there are days it is the hardest thing of my life. What I am starting to see is that on both days, it is all about choosing in. You can choose to check out and just live life, or you can dig in your heels and be present. You can choose to run to your family and friends to share all the good and bad things, to vent and just get away from it all. Or you can choose to turn to the team around you, the family that you have to choose to live in to. Oh and trust me, it is not as easy as saying to turn to them; because there are days that you really don’t want to do that, but you have to. There is no place for growth in the area of community if you don’t bring them the good and the bad.
As I’m writing this, I’m really seeing that the majority of things that Christ calls us to is beautiful and ugly all at the same time. You have community, intimacy, honesty, vulnerability, and a million other things. Each of these things hurts and brings life, and I’m starting to understand that I wouldn’t have it any other way. In both of these things, there is so much space for growth, and you can’t fully experience this growth unless you go through the both of them. It really reminds me of a teammate that was worried he wasn’t growing properly because the race didn’t seem all that hard at the moment, it is just harder to understand that we are growing when things are going well. Both forms of growth stem from the same tree; the Lord always has a way for us to grow, in both the easy and the hard things.
Life on the race is like a million different things, mostly because each day we experience a million different things; some days soaking that all up is overwhelming and you fee broken and confused. But what we’re really learning here is that even in all the million of things we experience, the Lord is still good and there is always a way for us to choose into Him.
