Ok, confession time. I am kinda a control freak. Well, with my life anyways. I love to make plans then make plans for when those plans fall through. I am always planning something. Planning when I will graduate college, planning what I will do after the race, or just planning my tomorrow. I would love to say that my plans have always come through and my life has never taken any twists and turns. Sadly, I can’t. Even though my plans rarely work out how I plan I love to think they will. A cold and scary reality has hit though. Took the wind right out of my sails.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING TO DO AFTER THE RACE.
Not even the slightest hint. Ok, that was a lie. I plan on finishing my degree in biology. But…I had planned on having that done by now. I had planned on never dropping out of college. But…you know what I did? I dropped out of college. WHOOPS.
This is a big deal for me.
Reason 1. What will I do for a job?
Reason 2. Will I even want to finish my degree in biology after the race? What if I want to start something brand new?
Reason 3. Something new is more debt for me. yipee….
I will tell you right now I have been stressing hardcore over these things. They are things that have made me not super duper excited about returning or even going on this trip. They are something I am scared of.
I heard a new definition of fear that really hit me and I loved it. The funny thing is Will Smith said it. I wont even say what movie because it was so bad, but the line is great. He said “The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist.” These fears I have are almost 2 years away. Me fearing things that might not even ever occur.
I believe these fears become more than they should be because we forget who the captian of our ship is. Our ship being our lives. Mark chapter 4 vereses 35-41 is such a perfect illustration of this.
35 On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” 36 And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. 37 And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. 38 But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” 39 And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” 41 And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”
Ok get this. Jesus, God of the flippin universe, is in the same dang boat as these guys and they are scared. WHAT?!?! Ok, I shouldn’t make fun of these guys because they were pro fishermen and had seen many storms. Obviously this one was a doosey. The thing that gets me most is this “Let us go across to the other side.” Jesus had already said they are going to make it the other side! He said it out loud infront of them before the storm! He said that and these guys were still scared. So, ofcourse Jesus calms the storm and then asks “Why are you so afraid?”
How many times do we forget Jesus is on our ship with us? How many times do we forget that we are not captain of our vessels? We are the poor helpless cabin boy/girl, whatever. We forget that our ship is steered by the God of the universe. The perfect captain. Directing us exactly where we need to be. He has already promised we are going to make it the other side. Here is the kicker though. When Jesus said “Let us cross to the other side” he never said it was going to be smooth sailing. He never said there wasn’t going to be a storm of a lifetime. All he said was we are going to make it to the other side.
I almost cried when I had read this in one of my devotionals. Honestly, this little strorm of mine is 2 years off. Jesus, has already promised me that I would make it through any storm he throws my way. Why, because he is captain of my ship.
