It’ll be back to work. Back to my friends and family. Back to the everyday distractions. But I look at myself today, with no idea who I’ll be in four months, I know that despite all the normalcy, life will be anything but normal. The Race has changed so many things about me, most of which I cannot describe to you. It’s in the way I walk and breathe. It’s in the joy I feel and the peace I’m able to find. In all the little things that seem pretty big when you put them all together.
A friend of mine told me this week that if I’m worried about people not knowing me when I get home, don’t be. I thought about it for a while and decided I’m not worried about that. I know that the people who love me, love me. And they’ll see any changes in me as exactly what they are: Growth. I am a better person, Christian, woman and citizen of the world because of the things I’ve learned on the Race. I’ve learned humility, self-control and patience. I’ve learned to trust and praise God in all things. And I’ve learned that I’m a constant work in progress.
With all that said, it seems like I should be pumped to get home. And I am. But I’m also terrified. Here’s the thing: It’s a lot easier to be a good person/Christian on the Race than it is at home. We have challenges and struggles, of course. But if I stop and remember why I’m here, it helps me turn to God when I’m angry or annoyed. It’s easy to grab my bible and read scripture when it’s expected that I have it with me all the time.
I love the woman that God is molding me into on this trip. And I’ve been praying more and more that He gives me the strength to keep on growing in Him when I get home.
But will I really go on prayer walks through downtown DC? Will I whip my bible out at happy hour when one of my friends does something annoying? Will I walk out of a meeting with my boss to pray before I respond to something that seems unjust or ungodly?
One of the things we’ve talked about a lot, since training camp, was being present. It was the thing I asked Team Starfish to hold me accountable for from early on in Haiti. It’s something I failed at big time in the last few weeks of Ecuador. It’s something I challenged Team HULK to do as we finish up our time on Zimbabwe. It is a struggle. And sometimes I wonder if thinking about how I’m going to translate Race life into home life is coping out of what’s happening right now.
But it’s not. I love what I’ve learned on this journey. And the ways I’ve grown haven’t just affected my relationship with God. They have changed every relationship I have, in some way. And that’s just going to show up in bigger and bigger ways when I get home. There will be times where I’m going to have to choose to walk with God or walk in fear of being judged. It’s not as hard to make that choice with people you’re probably never going to see again. It’s easy to wear Jesus as a badge of honor while you’re a missionary in Africa. But what about when you’re just Tristiaña at home?
I have no answers. I can think of few things that will be harder at home than on the Race. But if there’s one, it’s going to be living out my faith as proudly and purposefully as I’ve been able to do on the Race. And it’s a challenge that I’m excited to take on with God at my side.
Oh, and to Post Race me, if you’re reading this, have faith. Hold tight to it. God has walked you through so much, and no matter what things look like right now, He’s standing right beside you. Have courage. Trust in Him. He’s got this. #shepherding
