"Have you ever had a plan fall spectacularly to pieces??"
Breathe.
Just Breathe.
In the quiet.
I can Hear. Taste. See.
Feel them.
Vibrant memories rising.
Days filled with Truth. Freedom.
Acceptance. Depth. Pain
Compassion. Warmth.
Trust.
Expectations. Plans.
Reservations buried gracefully
beneath ashes.
Remains of everything falling
spectacularly to
pieces.
Six months ago,
I set off on a journey.
I sat in
Silence
on a flight from Los Angeles
to Washington D.C.
The truth,
I was on a journey of abandonment.
reflection. change. growth.
Truth. I was also
on a journey of
Escape.
On a flight to Honduras.
Surrounded by over 40 strangers.
My intentions were partially
Masked.
Constantly told-
"These people will become your family."
In the depths of my heart
I vowed to keep them at arms length.
My plan-
Follow God.
Ulterior motive. Escape
broken friendships and unspoken words
from back home.
In this process, a plan to escape
further mishaps.
Six months later,
I'm standing in the
aftermath
of God gloriously wrecking my heart.
my plans-
Vulnerable.
Quiet tears.
Uncontrollable sobs of fear.
God I love them.
How did this happen?
Your telling me I might have
to let them
GO!
Quirky. Mischievous. Comforting.
Funny. Sometimes obnoxious. Loud.
Sisters.
I love them.
Some would look from afar and say
dysfunctional family.
But they are my family.
Somewhere between Guatemala
and Bulgaria I let you start tearing
down the walls around my heart.
Fast forward.
Open. Scared. But Open.
Sitting in Romania.
Bottom bunk. Pouring out my
heart
to my team.
God.
You asked me to pray
about leaving early.
You asked me to trust you with
my journey.
To allow you to determine my
steps whether stateside or abroad.
Fearful of seeking your heart fully.
Fearful that it will include hard
goodbyes.
Vibrant memories rising. Unforgettable
moments. Exhaustion in
Honduras. Valentines dates in
El Salvador. Chicken buses in Guatemala.
White washing in Albania. Road trips
in Bulgaria. Hipster Grandmas in Romania.
Every moment speaks for itself.
God I trust you with all the pieces of my
life.
Wreck my plans.
Wreck my heart.
I trust that you are good.
That you love me and want the best for me.
I hold my hands wide open
sitting in silence
waiting for your answer
"yes, I will climb this mountain!"
