Baffled by the numbness I felt in my heart towards training camp, I had no idea I was in the process of building walls as a means of “protection” from the craziness God had in store for me during the next week. Part of me, trying to protect myself, attempted to shut myself off emotionally. Funny thing, we can do this without really noticing. I had no idea that I started this process weeks in advance as though God wasn’t powerful enough to crush my walls involuntarily.
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Fast foward. I am walking out of the Atlanta airport looking for my squadmate who arrived a day early as well (we were getting a hotel room and crashing for the night). As I headed out the door, I plastered a smile on my face and tried to act excited. We took a taxi to the Hotel, had dinner, went back to our room, and I hibernated in my little part of the suite. We made small talk, but I kept myself pretty shut off. I justified my actions by saying we both need to sleep because we probably won’t be getting much of it for a while. At this point I had no idea the wreck God had planned for me. In my pride, I thought I could get by training camp on my own terms. I thought I could board up my heart and in turn prevent God from breaking/wrecking it. As I look back, I realize how naive this was of me. However, in those moments I was determined Not to be like all the other racers who blog about being wrecked at training camp I was going to be the one who had herself together and didn’t need to be wrecked. Whoa!
