I haven’t written a blog in a while. To be honest, I haven’t been in a good place to write one.
They always warn you that the middle of your race is coming. The problem is you don’t see it coming until it’s here. That was my month 6. Thailand. My most challenging month so far on the race.
Months 1-5 were decently easy. Yeah, there were challenging moments, but the months didn’t seem bad. Month 1 had some of the craziest spiritual warfare. Month 2 was probably the sickest I had ever been in my life. And I remember thinking it was hot in Haiti (HA). Month 3 I expected to be homesick, but it never happened. Month 4 was filled with moments of feeling alone and wishing home was closer, but we had great contacts that treated us like family. Then there was month 5 in Guatemala. I finally made it back to a country that made my heart happy. I was able to see so many people I love and live in a city that captured my heart at a young age. Then came the end of month 5 when I said goodbye to squad leaders that had become people I love a lot. That was the worst.
And then there was month 6…
There are a lot of factors that caused it to be a challenging month. The Lord was really working on a lot of lies that I have believed throughout my life, it was our first month without our squad leaders that I love and became super close to, my WCA family lost one of our own, Asia is HOT, we were SO busy, and I left my heart and some family in Guatemala.
Almost everyday of month 6 I would wake up and tell myself I wasn’t going home that day. I literally had to choose each and every day. I had to choose my team, my ministry, and the world race. Most of all I had to choose Jesus. My selfish side told me home would be easier and would make me happy. Honestly, I looked at plane tickets home more than once. But the Lord reminded me that he called me to this season. There were days that I spent dreaming of this time. Of Thailand.
I can’t even begin to explain how challenging month 6 was. There were times I thought it would never end and I wouldn’t make it to month 7. In the end, I chose to “day stack.” I chose to fight for one day at a time. And each day added up until a day became a week. Then a week became two and three and four. Sometimes on the race you have to cling to the little moments or whatever bit of Jesus you have seen in that day to make it through.
The middle of the race gets real. Travel days suck and the only highlight is seeing your squad for a few days. You’re over planes, taxi’s, buses, trains…all of it. Packing your bag all the time gets annoying. Feedback and team time everyday…well, if you’ve done the race you know how that is. You have zero alone time and for introverts that will drive you crazy. You just get tired.
But month 6 taught me a lot, too. I learned how important it really is to choose Jesus on the race and in life. Sometimes (like month 6) I don’t want to be here doing the race anymore. I’m ready for this season to be over. But I can’t deny the fact that the Lord has called me to this season and he has called me to these 11 countries. I have to choose to step into this calling whether it’s something I want or feel like doing. I’m thankful that my Father loves me and sustains me everyday.
