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This past week marked the midway point on the race.  We’ve been at this for 5 ½ months. or 23 weeks. or somewhere around 164 days. How do I feel?

Free. Exhausted. Joyful. Redeemed. Changed. Challenged. Emptied. Filled back up. Stretched. Alive. Dirty. Smelly. Stronger. Loved. Different. Hungry for more.

I feel like a completely different person than who I was… but more of who I am than I ever was before.

This trip is hard. It’s hard to live with people 24/7. It’s hard to work with different cultures. It’s hard to have stomach issues from different foods. It’s hard because most of the time you’re hot and sweaty with no hope of a shower in sight. It’s hard because most of the time you’re trudging somewhere and waiting for something. It’s hard because you’re not in control. It’s hard because you don’t see your family or friends at home. It’s hard because you get unidentified rashes on your body. It’s hard because toilets don’t have seat, or there’s no toilet at all. It’s hard because you don’t speak the language. It’s hard because you’re stretched. It’s hard because you’re broken.  It’s hard because you’re forced to work through your crap. It’s hard because you’re forced to change. 

The reason I will recommend this trip to my best friends and my sister though, is because this trip is hard. Because at this midpoint, I’ve struggled to live with people, and I’ve made best friends. I’ve been hot and sweaty and had stomach problems, yet I’ve experienced the world. I’ve trudged everywhere and gotten somewhere. I’ve waited and learned to hear from God and make the waiting count. I’ve not been in control and learned to trust. I’ve not seen my family or friends, but received an eternal family from different races, cultures, and beliefs. I’ve struggled with bad toilets and bad rashes and bad food and now my future children will NEVER be allowed to complain to me about anything. I’ve been stretched, and I’m stronger. I’ve been broken and God has redeemed me. I’ve been working through my crap, and I’ve found freedom. I’ve been forced to change. And I can’t believe I’ve lived any other way.

I won’t lie, this month has been hard. Our squad has struggled. We’ve been broken. We’re struggling to take hold of freedom. We’re tired. We’re a little homesick. I’m sad because my parents put my dog to sleep this week. Others have lost loved ones. There’s been a variety of difficult circumstances amongst us. Yet, it’s the point of the race where we have to push through, have endurance and choose to move forward. Choose the freedom that is ours for the taking. Choose the victory that Christ has already won for us. And because we can look back over the last 5 ½ months and see the freedom the Lord has brought for us, we can only look to the next 5 ½ months in anticipation.

James 1:5, 12

“And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing…Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised for those who love Him.

Job 23:10

“But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”