I tend to be a person that functions in
extremes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself praying about or
talking about finding a balance between two extremes in life over the last 11
months. I’m either all in or all out. I’m either on fire or I’m freezing cold.
In some cases, I believe this is an excellent character trait. I do something
and I want to do it well. I played basketball and practiced every day for years
and expected myself to play it well. I did a double major in college and wouldn’t
settle for less than highest honors at graduation. The Lord called me to
overseas missions and over the last 8 years I’ve lived that out in 15 different
countries. Those things are all well and good, and I believe that the Lord
calls us to live a sold out life, to not be lukewarm, but to be filled with
passion…however, I’m realizing that being a person of extremes can have its
downfall in high expectations. Because I desire to do well, I put high
expectations on myself…and worse, on others.
I’ve
been living mountain top to mountain top. “Go big or go home” has been my life
motto and I’m discouraged when I’m not living up to that expectation. If you’ve
read my blogs the whole race, you know how much I struggled in Uganda and India
when I felt like the Lord was taking me through a canyon. Do I think it is
wrong to live by the “go big or go home” motto? Not at all. But I do think it
is wrong to feel like you’ve fallen from grace every time you’re not “going
big.” Life can become a big, fat disappointment that way.
This
might be scattered, but the real point I want to get to is how this affects
other people. Talking with Andrew last night I realized that this mentality can
be a great asset, but also a large setback unless you learn to steward it well.
I guess I hold myself to higher
expectations than I really hold others to, however, I have realized that my
expectations affect how I do see others sometimes.
It is so eay for us to look at those around us and see what is lacking. It’s easy
to measure someone by how they don’t quite meet up to our expectations.
Especially in marriage (No, I’m not married, but I’m going to be and I’m
assuming things). Without even realizing it sometimes, I think we have placed a
high standard on someone that is impossible to reach. Especially when
evaluating your significant other, it’s easy to hone in on that one thing that
they don’t live up to rather than focusing on how they have exceeded your
expectations- or better yet the things they bring to the table that you didn’t
even have expectations for. I’ve noticed more and more how we can just write
people off when they’ve done something wrong or when they aren’t all we hoped
they would be.
So I
guess it all comes back to grace. I mean, really everything comes back to the
cross anyway. God is the only one that has always delivered and exceeded our
expectations. He has continually poured out His unmerited favor (grace) on us.
We in turn need to have grace for ourselves and others. I’ve asked myself often
this week if I am allowing my expectations for myself and others taint my view.
In turn, I’m trying to hear what God has to say about me and what God has to
say about others. I’m not just trying to live up to an expectation, but
striving to be who God says I am. Not holding others to an impossible standard,
but striving to help them be who God says they are. Not focusing on what we
aren’t, but focusing on what we are. So it’s just a thought to ponder, but
definitely a good one. Are we allowing impossible expectations and our lack of
meeting them skew our view of ourselves and others? And if so, how can we release ourselves and
others from that pressure so that we can all walk in freedom?
