I hate being vulnerable. Period. I generally will do anything in my power to avoid/destroy any opportunity to open myself up to people. This is the sole reason why historically my relationships only last a few weeks at the most. When I get close to being vulnerable, I bail. Every time.
One thing that I did not realize about the World Race was that it would force me to open myself up to others. Not only open myself, but fully bare myself. I will be traveling with these people for an entire year and staying closed off simply isn’t an option.
Honestly, if I had fully understood the growth I was going to have to go through, even before we actually left on the race I probably would not have signed up. That is just the truth. Because growth hurts! I realize that it is exceptionally good for me, being vulnerable to people for once in my life, in an environment where I cannot run away, but I didn’t say I had to enjoy the process!
I am going to stick it out though, and I am not going to run away. I’ve realized that like Jonah, God can find me wherever I run, so it is easier for everyone if I just follow him. It hurts alot when he leads me down a path of very intense growth, but I know that in the end I will be so much stronger for it.
So if you want to pray for me, pray that God lays bare my heart in this process, because I’ve gotten really really good at keeping it hidden.
