Asking people for mission support is very difficult for me. I hate that feeling I get when I send a letter that essentially says, “Hey, I know we haven’t talked in 7 years, but can I have some of your money?” It feels inconsiderate of me to open up a line of communication again just because I want something, instead of genuinely caring how these people are.
Yesterday I wrote in this post about how it would be wrong for me to try to sell stuff to raise funds for the trip. After thinking and praying about it though I've changed my mind. If God wants me to go on this trip I think that he would be okay with me using whatever means possible (short of illegal activity) to raise the money. The important thing is to trust him in whatever methods I choose. To trust that he will come through for me to bring me the funds I need, no matter what.
I just cannot let go of my dependence on God in this process. I cannot let genuine faith-filled mission turn into a marketing scheme. When “God will” turns into “I will” then I begin to completely miss the point. It is so incredibly easy to try to take fundraising into my own hands and try to succeed by my own standards, but it cannot be that way. This entire mission has to be God's completely, or it will fail. Or worse, it will succeed by my standards, but the Holy Spirit won’t be present in it.
$15,000 sounds like a whole lot of money, but when it is broken down into individual people it really isn’t that much. But people are bombarded with pleas for money every day, especially in the church world. People ask them for money for mission trips that seem more like an excuse for a paid vacation instead of truly doing God’s work. Let me be clear now that this isn’t the case for me.
I am going because that’s where my heart is. With boys that have no fathers and don’t know how to grow up to be men. With women caught in the sex trade, who have been captured by the filth of humanity. With children who’s lives have been devastated by AIDs. With the orphans of a genocide. I want to go to them. I want to sleep on the dusty ground with them and share their pain. I want to cry with them at the terrible injustice of the world. I want to bring the healing of Christ into their lives. I want to hold them and say, "Its going to be alright".
So whether people give me money or not, God will send me. If God wants me to sell everything I own, down to my last pair of shoes, I will go to these people. Whether I have to buy a backpack and tent that are used and full of holes, instead of shiny new gear, I will go. Christ didn’t call me to comfort, he called me to sacrifice my life on the cross with him. Paul said to the Galatians, “ I no longer life, but Christ lives in me”. That is what I want. No longer sacrificing my life on the altar of stuff in America, but sacrificing my stuff on the altar of God.
I want to lose my life for the gospel so in the end I can truley find it.
