Hi everyone, it is time that I relay some terrible news, that I will not be racing around the world in January as I have been planning. There have been things that have arisen from being abused by my father growing up that apparently God wants me to deal with before I try and help other people. It tears me apart to have to write this instead of a happy post about how well fundraising is coming along and how excited I am for training camp in just a few weeks. This Race has been what my life has been centered on for a few months now and it is so so difficult for me to accept the fact that I have things that need to be dealt with before I go.
To be more specific, a couple of weeks ago I had an occurrence of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) from being verbally and physically abused growing up and I remembered things that I've had locked away for a long long time. This sent me into a downward spiral of anxiety and fear to the point where I was hospitalized for a week in order to be stabilized. Now that I am mentally and emotionally stable again (yay meds!), I get the joy of digging through my childhood in group therapy and individual therapy until I am healed enough to be able to go help other people. I have been through tons of counseling through the past few years but apparently there is still stuff that needs to be dealt with.
I cannot emphasize to you all how much I hate this. I have had to move back home to Bartlesville, Oklahoma, and back into my mom's house. I hate the fact that I had the type of childhood that would send a 25 year old man spiraling out of control, out of the blue, but those are the cards I was dealt and I need to figure out how to accept that so I can move on to healing.
I told you all everything so you can pray hard and because I have kept it hidden behind a smiley face for so long. It is time to finally face it head on, in it’s entirety, so God can work his healing and so I can go on the World Race in the next year or so. Please pray for my peace and my acceptance of this situation. Those are both so hard to find right now.
