Brokenness
Is something I never truly felt before the World Race. My heart never broke for the beggar at the Plaza in Kansas City who always sat in front of the McDonalds. My heart never broke for the children who lived in the foster homes who only have donated clothing and money from the government. My heart never broke for the women at Planned Parenthood looking to have abortions. If I would have allowed myself to be broken then I could have chosen ministry rather than rebuking.
Brokenness
Is something I didn’t know God wanted us to go through.
Is something I learned is actually a good thing.
You see, being on this journey causes a lot of brokenness. It all started with month one in Guatemala where I met about 12 of the most precious down syndrome children ever. My heart broke when I heard how every month they go more into debt and cannot pay for the children’s medicine.
My heart broke in Thailand when these beautiful women worshipped Buddha before we had our sleep over, and when they didn't want to hear about Jesus because they are committed to worshipping idols.
My heart broke in Cambodia when the children of the village walked around naked because they didn’t have clothes.
My heart broke when I witnessed human trafficking at a festival where this man was brought and laid on the middle of the walk way to make money for his "owner".
My heart broke when my friend Fernando decided to leave his safe home to go back out on the streets and get high, only to be found behind a dumpster during the night.
Brokenness changes people. It melts their hearts to see the way God sees. Brokenness is what allows you to be God’s hands and feet. You feel hurt for that person and hopefully will take the next step and do something about that brokenness.
As I have said for the past few blogs, this journey is ending in less than two weeks. I will be back on the streets of the USA and back to the “Real World.” On the World Race, you don’t really have a choice but to see these things and be broken for them. On the streets of America, I can walk right past that man sitting on the street and not be broken. I can choose to drive past the homeless shelter without feeling convicted. Or I can allow God to move in me and choose to be broken. I can choose to see how God sees, love how God loves, and serve how God serves.
At this point of the trip, a lot of things go through our minds. Will I live differently when I get home? Will I continue to be this new person or go back to my old self? Will I still really be doing ministry since I’m no longer in a different country?
Will I choose to be broken?
I sure hope so. I pray so. I pray that my life will be forever changed from this experience and that I won’t be able to shake the feeling of brokenness. I pray that I will see things the way the Lord sees, and will take action. I pray that I won’t care what others think about me. I want to do ministry. I want to love. I want to serve. I want to be forever changed.
I want to be broken.
