Just As I Am…
Can you love me just as I am. Can you honor my manhood without expectations from your past or who you think I should be?
Can you adore me with morning breath, short temper and a deceitfully wicked heart? Can you implore me to believe that I am loved just as I am and then faithfully show me I am a worth while “work in progress”?
Can you encourage without a suggestion of discouragement or judgement? Can you feed my need to be acknowledged, appreciated, approved of for the good things I’ve done without being reminded of the bad things I have or haven’t done?
Can you remind me that I don’t have to do anything to be loved just as I am?
Can you love me “Just as I am…”
Family, I pray that your hearts are open to hear from a sinner saved by grace. I pray and ask that you forgive me as I lead with my authentic voice and expose some hard to swallow truths from within, believing that due to the content of this conversation and calloused character of this community, I may offend you. Actually, I am sure I will offend you.
And it’s for that reason that I also pray and ask that you forgive yourself for being offend-able.
I am an inspired, playful, loving, guided grateful and passionate adventurer of the King of who loves to speak, serve and love courageously in my authentic voice. However, the church has become so toxic with threats, so baron of true freedom and self expression and so sharp to convict of non-conformation rather than acceptance of the “under construction” banner over my heart, that I believe we’ve missed the point of the church as it was originally intended and exchanged that for a short-hand version of who the church really is. We’ve become – church of wester society.
When we are more concerned about each others spiritual gifts and less concerned about being a gift in the spirit to one another, than we’ve missed the point of His death. Jesus didn’t die for a fair comparison of measured proportions of what we do (deserve) versus what He’s done.
If that where the case then we would never add up.
Rather He died so that we can live,”… and live abundantly.” (John 10:10)
We’ve placed a reformatted love for others, Christ and ourselves within our grid of understanding. And the minuet we place our amazingly wondrous Creator and His creations within our tiny and fully comprehensible grid of understanding is the minuet we don’t truly understand who we really are, but more importantly who He really is.
Everything about The Creator is bigger than His creations and bigger than religion – especially Christianity.
We’ve also placed “for sale” tags of hardship, vacant signs of unconditional love and pad locks of unforgiveness on our hearts and souls and hidden the keys to restoration in a church where the only thing required to serve is love.
Can you love me “Just as I am…”
This morning I was awaken at 3:37 am by a conviction that is all to familiar in the western church. I was overwhelmed by my selfish capacity to judge and seek fairness based on what’s right (for me), comfortable (for me) and acceptable (for me) without ever truly considering the nature of God’s pleasure in obedience rather than sacrifice.
I was too concerned about the world around me (who’s doing what, who’s getting what, what’s in it for me) and not concerned enough about the world within me (am I fulfilling His plan for me? Am I being obedient in this moment and the next to who He is calling me to be? Am I imitating the love of Christ and building up the body?)
I found it more palatable to sacrifice my heart, my thoughts, my expectations, my will, my desire, my emotions and my plans for the joy of knowing Him. But He desires faithful obedience above regretful sacrifice.
Am I being faithfully obedient in this season of regretful sacrifice?
If so, can you love me “Just as I am…”
I signed up for change, growth and following Him at all costs, but is the idea of change more appealing than the change itself?
My biggest challenge, not waiting until I feel like doing something before I do it. Whether that be forgiveness of a neighbor or loving the people in the community I must be willing to submit and gain favor while growing in wisdom in stature, not for the sake of man, but for the love of the Father.
My heart, nature and sin within will always come up with excuses as to why its not the right time, place or person to take action that brings kingdom…but He didn’t die for that.
Is “my idea” of love for this community getting in the way of “my love” for the people in this community?
Internal Dialog with Pride and Promise:
“Why should I be jealous of the growth of the team without me at the helm?” The impostor within whispers.
“Why should I care if this team grows, they’ve not prayed for me in weeks?” The impostor within speaks.
“Why should I desire to be more today than I was yesterday for people who find it easier to shower each other with reflections of personal conviction (leaving a thick film of disappointment and despair) rather than public praise?” The impostor shouts…
And it’s times like this when a choice must be made…
Can you love me “Just as I am…”
A choice to accept what is and be accepted just as I am without the approval, agreement or acknowledgement of another is my hearts desire. But years of gaining approval, acceptance and acknowledgment from man has placed me in a dangerous and deadly habit of seeking my neighbor for my “fix” of self esteem, self assurance and self reliance instead of finding rest in my Savior as Abba’s Child.
So often I get too caught up in how other’s see me, treat me and even beat (persecute) me that I loose sight of His promise to me – regardless of what I have to go through to get there.
I believe it’s because we too, have fallen in love with our individual idea of the community and not the community itself, that keep us from feeling safe enough to care more about others in our times of need.
As if we will be forgotten if we are not validated. As if we will be pushed aside if we are not heard. As if our world will be diminished for the sake of someone else being heard, held or helped. Maybe that is the point of it all…
Maybe, it’s not about us being validated because in our weakness He is made strong. Maybe, It’s not about us being heard from our selfish platform of deceit-filled hearts, because in our weakness He is made strong.
It’s not about us at all – period!
It’s about us choosing the die to self a little more each day and removing pride from its mantel of masterdom, self from the totem pole of righteousness and unforgiven pain from the alter of shame and replace it with the only thing that brought us here, the only thing that will sustain us and the only thing that will get us from here to there – love.
I leave you with faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.
“You are loved” my Savior whispers
“You are special” my Savior whispers
“You are gifted” my Savior whispers
Who knows if this kind of selfless love is even possible within this body of “believers”. To emulate daily what we all believe in. Instead it seems we have more of a desire to tear down than to build up; more desire to repress than to express; more of a desire to complain than to restrain…more of a desire to be less like Him and more like the impostor within who so often curves the appetite of purity with sweet whispers of his own which echo..
“Yesss, you are loved…”
“Yesss you are special…”
“Yesss you are gifted…”
And all to quickly the blessing of “The Conceit of The Call” has turned into the “conceited blessing”
In all of this, I question …”where was my heart?” Being romanced by the sweet whispers of the Savior, or seduced by the serpent within?
Lord, Forgive us for being the church of western civilization while trying to serve a people who may lack the wealth of our country, but know how to serve up love on their finest platter with a side of chippati and an extra helping of matoka and a mound of posho.
“Am I considering the love of the Father’s plan and will for my life over my own in a way that challenges me to consistently say ..’as for me and my house, I choose to serve the Lord?” and in serving Him am I being obedient to His call upon my life for the sake of love? Or am I just sacrificially showing up for the sake of gaining a blessing or being accepted by my peers within the church?
This year is about the Lord and I. And the church should support that. Whether it’s days off or help carrying a heavy load or just someone to be present without saying a word in times of need. Whatever it takes to get me from here to there will there be those who love me just as I am and ride with damaged goods to get to a place of promised freedom.
Are we willing to finally get past the question of “is this community a safe place?” not for the sake of being able to answer the second question, but rather for the sake of being drawn closer to the Savior through our acknowledgement that we can all do better at loving the people within the community just as they are. And in doing so, we all need more of Him and less of ourselves every moment of every day.
Jesus knew all too well that believing in Him costs nothing, but following Him costs everything.
Have I given everything?
If not, can you love me enough just as I am and tell me what more I can do to be more like who He desires me to be and less who you need, think or believe I should be?
