It has been a long road discovering God’s next step for my life. But let me tell you, God is faithful, and it is worth it to wait on His best for your life!
You would not believe how many journal entries I have that start out something like this, “God, can I go now? Can I do long-term missions yet? I am ready! Where do you want me to go? Send me!” Tears rolled down my face as we pulled out of a village in Nicaragua on my first mission trip. The beautiful children had nothing but the most joy and love I had ever seen. I then realized on a small scale how much our Father loves us. If I love these people this much, how much more does our Father love them? My heart became burdened for God’s people. I couldn’t leave without knowing I would come back. Thankfully, God blessed me by allowing me to return a few months later. However, 1 week here and 1 week there did not satisfy me. Each year, the desire in my heart for long-term missions grew stronger. Each year I asked God, “Can I go yet?” Each time, the door would eventually shut. I felt frustrated, because I knew this was something God created me to do. Why else would it bring me so much joy? I struggled with feeling that I had missed out on what God really had for my life, until now.
Which brings me to May 15, 2011, when I took a day to pray strictly about this mission trip called The World Race. I remember watching the church service online and hearing God speak to me through Pastor Rick. He said, “the enemy likes to find out exactly what you are dreaming about and plant fear in that dream.” I have been dreaming of going on a long-term mission trip for the past 3 years. The enemy had already attacked me with lies and fear, such as “you will never raise enough money, you will have to quit your job, and you will have to leave your family and friends.” Now those attacks made sense, and Father God poured out peace on me! The second thing Pastor Rick said was, “the place where you are the most anointed is where you are the most afraid.” That made sense. Why would the enemy try to plant all this fear in me over this trip if it wasn’t where God wanted to use me?
I also listened to a podcast by Craig Groeschel about being a disciple of Christ. Not just a Christian, but a disciple. He said that Jesus called us to live like He lived, to love like He loved, and to do what He did. I want to do that. In the book called Radical by David Platt, he wrote about Luke 14:33 where it says, “Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” Jesus’ disciples gave up everything whenever Jesus called them to follow Him. They gave up family, friends, jobs, responsibilities, and the comfort of their homes. I knew that I wanted to give up everything to follow after Christ. It seemed like that was what The World Race was all about.
About a week later, I left for a weeklong trip to Haiti to work alongside an organization called Mission of Hope. God rocked my world in Haiti! I absolutely fell in love with the people! God showed me that any journey with Him would be worth giving up everything! I immediately wanted to look into their internship program. I wanted to stay in Haiti for a year to form deeper relationships with the Haitians. When I got back my roommate, Hannah, asked me, “what about The World Race? I thought you knew for sure it was what God wanted you to do.” I told her I thought it would be too hard for me to have to go to 11 different countries, make friends with 11 groups of people, and say bye 11 different times.” One of the hardest parts of a mission trip for me is saying goodbye. Hannah said, “Don’t you believe that God would help you through all that. You may think it’s too hard, but maybe God wants to show you that you can do it with Him.” It was like a light bulb came on! I told God I was sorry for closing that door on my own.
A couple weeks later I left for Rwanda, once again certain the World Race was what I would do. I came back from Rwanda with an opportunity to go live with local missionaries for a year or longer. It sounded like my dream, but I didn’t get a 100% “go for it” from God. It was difficult because I knew God would bless me in that, but was it really His best for me? After I got home from Rwanda, I logged onto my World Race profile only to find the first route I had prayed about was full! I was excited about this first route because it went to Africa, India, and Nepal. I have never been to India and Nepal, but those were the 2 countries I was most excited about. The only countries missing from the first route were the Central American countries I love so much! I decided to stop planning myself seek God. I was confused. I knew God doesn’t bring confusion, but I couldn’t understand why I had felt 100% confident that I was supposed to do the World Race back in May and now I doubted it all. Did He have me going back to Haiti for the internship, to Rwanda to work with local missionaries, or on the World Race?
I began to ask God to show me supernaturally what direction He wanted me to take. I started praying and believing Joel 2:28, “And afterward, I will pour my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.” A week later, I had nothing. I started to believe the lie that I couldn’t hear from God. I believed that He spoke to other people in these supernatural ways but wouldn’t for me.
One night I had a talk with one of my mentors, and God revealed something to me. I realized God has always spoken straight to my heart. It has never been in a vision or dream, although I believe that will happen someday. I felt God telling me, “just because I don’t speak to you in a dream or vision doesn’t mean I am not speaking to you.” Those lies no longer had a hold on me. I felt freedom! I knew deep down what I had always known, which was that God wanted me on The World Race. I started working on my application once again and checked out route 2. This route did have some countries in Central America and Africa, but was missing India and Nepal. The enemy already started with the lies “you missed out on God’s best for you because you didn’t obey.” I refused to listen and felt a peace about finishing up the application process. I had one small section left before I left on a family vacation. The day I got back, July 24th, I knew without a doubt that I had to submit the application that night. I got on to finish and noticed a third route had been added within the last 5 days. I believe God handpicked all the countries I would have picked myself and placed them on that route! This route goes to Nicaragua, Rwanda, India, and Nepal! I get to go to my favorite country in Central America, back to Rwanda, plus India and Nepal! What? That was all God! It was total confirmation!
This was God’s best for me! Did I find out what God had planned overnight? Nope. It was a long journey, but totally worth it. I knew God would have blessed me if I had chosen the internship in Haiti or to live with the missionaries in Rwanda. However, I refused to make a decision based on my emotions or what I thought was best. I wanted God’s perfect will for me! Be encouraged and wait patiently on the Lord! He will blow your socks off with something so much more amazing than you could ever think to pray for on your own!
Ecclesiastes 3:11, “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
