One of the most difficult things for me to do is forgive. Forgiving others is not the problem but forgiving myself is. I hold myself to a high standard and don’t let myself forget the mistakes I’ve made. But why should I hold myself accountable for things that God has forgiven me for?
What am I afraid of?
Am I afraid I’m not being worthy of His love?
Do I have something to prove?
I for sure use to feel that way. I had to work for everything and prove myself or He wouldn’t love me.
But really what it was is He wanted me to allow Him into my life in all aspects. He wanted to take me places but I wasn’t allowing Him to because I was still holding onto things in my past that I wouldn’t let go of. Things that I would use as motivation to do better. I didn’t realize that it was holding me back. I thought it was a helpful reminder to push me forward.
About a year ago God was speaking to me and said that the key to your success is forgiveness. I thought it was only about forgiving others. I didn’t think that forgiving myself was a thing. It wasn’t until recently where I reread my journal and saw those key words and realized I still have somethings to forgive. I prayed about it and talk with Emily and Jenna about it when they help point out what my unforgiveness was. Myself.
It all clicked. It was like a wall had come down. Just by being able to forgive myself has allow Jesus to move in my life in ways He’s been wanting to for a while.
Right now I’m learning how to trust in Him in all things. You would think that would be something simple and easy but wow I catch myself all the time not doing it and I just have to sit back and watch Him handle it.
