The pastor also revealed God’s design in how woman was made from man. He shared that “the woman was not made out of the man’s front. She is not to be in front of him. The woman was not made out of the man’s back. She is not to be behind him. She was made out of his side so she could be alongside him as his helper. The woman was made under the man’s arm so he would protect her. She was made close to his heart so he would cherish her.”
As we have gone through these 11 months and countries, I have seen how much one person can affect another. Family, friend, dating, and marital relationships impact how we see ourselves. These can either be a positive or negative influence on your life.
While doing door-to-door evangelism in other countries, many people said that they had been Christians when they were younger. After they were married, they converted to their spouse’s religion or have no religion instead of remaining Christian. This is especially true if the woman is the Christian in the relationship. This must be why Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (MESSAGE) “Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership, that’s war. Is light best friends with dark?”
We have to be careful how and with whom we spend our time. Our relationships impact our viewpoints. If we spend a lot of time with people who do illegal things, we are more likely to do illegal things. 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) says “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.”
We should not only live in a Christian bubble though. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:13-16 (NIV) “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” We need to find a balance in our non-dating relationships.
I have had Christian friends in the past say they were dating someone. When they were asked if the person they were dating was a Christian, they would reluctantly say no. They would often follow this by saying that they were working on converting them to Christianity through their relationship. The term for this is “missionary dating.”
Wikipedia has this definition for missionary dating: “Missionary dating is a phrase used in a Christian context to describe when a person of one religion dates a person with differing beliefs for the purpose of changing that person’s beliefs or religion…The concept of missionary dating is sometimes used to cover for or justify to one’s self, family, or religious community, romantic interest in a non-Christian if the relationship might otherwise be frowned upon.”
Missionary dating does occasionally work. However, in most cases, this is playing with fire. Missionary dating is dangerous for us because we can give into temptation to satisfy our desires instead of God’s. We can make an idol of this person or ourselves by sacrificing our relationship with God for these desires.
Some of the best advice that I have ever received was when I was in high school. It was from my church’s Youth Group leader Lisa. To sum it up, she said something like “I do not even date non-Christians. I do not want to be tempted by being in a relationship with a non-Christian so I will not even go on a date with one. If you go on a date with one, your emotions can become involved so it is harder to say no to another date.”
I was able to attend her wedding a few years after she had given me that advice. She met and married a Christian man who is strong in his faith. He is someone she respects and loves her with Christ’s love.
Christian men and women (or “God Lovers” as my favorite author Robin Jones Gunn would say) are like those from my church and on our squad. They actively pursue a relationship with God. They spend time with and treat people of the opposite sex with dignity. They treat them as brothers and sisters in Christ. In dating relationships, they respect each other’s physical boundaries. They pursue a relationship with God and seek His guidance. They resist their temptations to honor God.
2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV) states: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…” What is a yoke? Merriam-Webster defines a yoke as “a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together.” In dating and marital relationships, each person is affected by what the other person is carrying. These could be past or current relationships or situations, successes, failures, and burdens (financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual).
Imagine every person carries their unhealed past into a dating or marital relationship. Each negative unhealed past hurt is like a rock in the backpack. When you marry, the two backpack contents are joined together so you both carry the burden together until each is healed.
The whole reason we are alive is to have a relationship with God. If we are Christians, our biggest desire should be to follow God. If our spouse is an unbeliever, they will not understand that desire. It would be like ignoring the biggest part of who we are and why we were created. That is precisely why God warns us not to be yoked together with unbelievers.
My former teammate (as well as friend and current squadmate) Phil Khamoua wrote a blog about dating. It is entitled ‘I won’t date “Christian girls.” Please see his blog at: http://philkhamoua.theworldrace.org/?filename=i-wont-date-christian-girls. This shows his perspective on the same topic of dating and marriage.
As Christians, we should be aware of the spiritual state of the person we date or marry. This person should be actively seeking God. This does not mean that we should stop pursuing God on our own though. We both should seek God’s guidance as individuals and as a couple.
If we are in a dating relationship with an unbeliever, we need to pray for God’s guidance on what His will is for it. We may need to be willing to give up that relationship if that is what he calls for us. He may not ask for that but we have to be willing to follow Him above our own desires.
If you feel like God is making you uneasy in the relationship, you are probably being called to give it up (at least for the time being). Sometimes we tell God that the relationship is the right one instead of asking Him for His will in who we date or marry. As author Tricia Goyer in Praying for Your Future Husband defines prayer as: “Entering into a conversation with God; Seeking God’s direction with choices; Humbling ourselves before Almighty God.” Tricia also states what prayer is not: “Viewing God as a grantor of our wishes; Asking God for a stamp of approval on decisions; Demanding our rights.”
Instead of demanding our own way, we should trust God that he has our best intentions at heart. Ephesians 3:20 (MESSAGE) declares: “God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us.”
Are you having a hard time waiting? Our culture makes it very hard to wait. We are used to instant gratification. Romans 8:26-28 (MESSAGE) shows us God’s intent for us: “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant conditions, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
God is developing patience in us although most of us (me included) do not want to learn about it. I have heard Pastors say “you should not pray for patience because God will put you in situations to try your patience.” My friend Steven wrote this on FaceBook today: “Spiders must have frustrating lives. No sooner do they finish building their super-deluxe-mansion-with-a-view, than some human comes along and brushes it aside, and said spider is back to square one.” We can be like the spiders. We have two choices. The first and easiest decision is to give up. The second option is to press on with patience that what we are going through is worth the time and effort.
This year has shown me that God is faithful if we are patient. One of the songs at the wedding last Monday was “Great Is Thy Faithfulness.” This couple had waited until they were in their mid-forties until God provided their mate. What God provided for this couple was worth the wait!
