I was doing my quiet time and had my bible open when Thabsile approached me.
“Are you going to be a preacher?” she asked me. That question opened us up to an entire conversation about the importance of a born-again believer spending time in the word, regardless of whether they will be a preacher or not. Thabsile is one of the head chefs at Nisela, where we stayed for much of our time in Swaziland. She had noticed and remembered that, though it had been weeks ago, my team was “always reading the bible; every morning.”
We talked for a few minutes more and the conversation drifted over to the topic of marriage. She asked me if I was beginning to worry that at twenty-three I still wasn’t married yet. I told her about the high divorce rate in the states and that when I commit, I want to be absolutely sure he’s the one. Once I’m in, I’m in regardless of what troubles we come to. She thought it was outrageous for me to say, “I rather wait my whole life for the right guy than settle for second best. Not that there aren’t great guys…but I want the one that’s best for me.”
“No! You have to be able to settle for second best, or you’ll end up alone like me,” she said with great urgency. Then she went on—I sat silently, listening to a beautiful thirty-one-year-old woman tell me, with tears in her eyes, that even her own family pointed out her lack of worth due to having two children, yet still unwed. Thabsile’s culture encourages girls to get married between sixteen and twenty-four years. By the time you’re twenty-five people are starting to ask you if something’s wrong with you. So at thirty-one, they are convinced there must be something wrong with her. She’s had over half a decade of family, friends, and culture telling her she’s faulty…and it comes up often, she said. I could tell she was trying so hard not to cry, but if were in her shoes, I’m sure my eyes would be welling up, too. What am I supposed to say? I tried to explain that those are the exact type of reasons that it is necessary to have a foundation set on scripture. That when comments of worth come up, you know what the truth is through what the bible tells us. I tried to reaffirm how beautiful, amazing, worthy, and loved she is, but how can I really rid her mind of a life-time of cultural lies, and specifically the six years of lies toward her. It probably won’t happen with one conversation…but imagine hundreds like this. What if others come after me? What if there were others before me? How would Thabsile’s life be different if she was sure of her worth? And how can you have a part in that change?
