I found my “Re-entry Plan� in my journal this week. We were asked to go through it during our final debrief week on the Race. Because I found it less painful than the “Life Planning Packet� I actually completed it. It’s been more than two months since I’ve looked through it, so while I sat sipping my latte, I spent some time reviewing what I wrote. Nothing hugely surprising; a few good memories that had slipped my mind; a few that I’d rather not be reminded of. But what really struck me was a part called “Bridging the Gap.� It gives a list of things one may experience during “re-enculturation� consisting of the following:
1.) Unexplainable tiredness, lack of desire to do anything
2.) Passion-less-ness, feeling unmotivated to do anything “normal�
3.) Anger or indignation at your family, friends, church, etc.
4.) Sadness that others don’t share your passion or apparently don’t care
5.) Restlessness to do something, plan something, get involved in something, etc
6.) Aimlessness, out of all the options available, nothing seems to match my “calling�
7.) Confusion, “do I have a calling?� “what makes me come alive?� “where should I go next?�
I laughed to myself when I realized I’ve been experiencing all but the third symptom. I thought I was doing okay with re-entry until now. I have specifically been going through the fourth through sixth. Last week I was talking to my brother, Tim, and expressing how difficult it has been to not be able to talk about the World Race and share what I have experienced–especially with my peers. I don’t like to feel like I’m on a soap-box with them or that I have this great authority to speak from, but I do want to tell what I’ve gone through to an interested audience. Who wouldn’t?
I’ve been getting frustrated by it, and that’s when I really miss my team the most. I will probably never find another group of people that really understand what I went through this past year. Even other World Racers didn’t have the same experiences and can’t fully relate. It’s hard to even share stories sometimes because I am concerned at what people think of me–my experiences, my reactions to them, etc.–thinking I’m a bit crazy.
I don’t know. You can keep me in your prayers about this. I don’t want to be frustrated by it; I don’t ever want to be afraid to share what I learned and went through; I want to continue to be passionate about what God has shown me in the last year.
