*The cliché-life is short-does not even begin to describe how I feel. Sometimes I just start to think about the goofy little faces he made when he ate-how wide he opened his eyes-and I start to cry.*
My eyes welled with tears as I carried the tiny little coffin toward Pelile’s house. It was around nine and nearly impossible to find her house in the dark. After wandering for a bit, we finally found it. Some go-gos (grandmas) were staying with her, and she and the kids were already asleep. Pelile and Siphiwe woke and sat up when I came in. I knelt and set the coffin down on the mat next to Pelile. I leaned over to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek and she immediately began to cry. Though she does not understand English, I said, “I am so, so sorry,” and began to rub her back. Her pitiful whimper cut through me, and I could barely hold in my own sounds. I sat silently with tears streaming down my face. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so helpless. When her cries faded, we quietly left.
Once we were a few yards from the house I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I let out my sobs and let my body shake with the emotion I had been holding in. I calmed myself down enough to get in the car, but tears flowed easily on the quiet drive home. I wouldn’t wish this feeling upon anyone.
Early the following morning we went to the funeral. Most of the adults from the community were there. The women stayed with Pelile at the home while the men went to the burial site and prepared the plot. In the canopy outside the house we held a short ceremony in which Seth spoke and the women sang some traditional SiSwati songs.
The go-gos brought Pelile and the coffin out, and after one more song, we began the long walk to the cemetery. Pelile sobbed the whole way there, and eventually grew too week to walk further. Seth carried her in his arms for a while, and when she became too heavy, a go-go put her on her back and carried her the rest of the way. The women sang the entire walk.
When we arrived at the site, the women continued to sing while the men finished preparing the plot. At points Siphiwe cried on me or Krystle and it broke my heart even further. Seth spoke briefly again, and then they invited everyone else to share. One or two Swazi’s spoke, then Molly, and me. Knowing my emotional state, I waited as long as I could to stand, but one of the go-gos I worked with pointed me out, and I stood. At first I couldn’t say a thing. I stood there with so many eyes on me while I sobbed. After a few moments, I began to talk about how much the family has impacted me and how grateful we were to share in the life of Moses. I don’t recall everything I said, I just spoke what was on my heart.
These have been the toughest days on the race. Never did I think I would face death on a personal level…and certainly not to this extent. I am not angry with God, and I have not questioned Him at all. I know that if God needed to take Moses, His plans are far greater than even the ones we prophesied over him. I trust him. Can you believe that in just seven weeks of life (and only two in ours), Moses was able to change so many people’s hearts? God’s plans are a mystery, and I am happy to be a part of them.
Read some of my teammates blogs on Moses:
Molly– Peace is Truly Resting in PEACE
Seth– The Life and Death of Moses
Aaron– Don’t Forget Me
Megan– God Save this Dying Nation
