Well, it’s now been two weeks since I’ve returned to the States, and I feel like I’m doing remarkably well. Yeah, the first few days were kind of rough, but that was probably more initial re-entry shock and dealing with the last bit of wrap-up with the Kenya team. I have had a lot of time to talk over things with friends and family–my mom probably getting the majority of my necessary processing.
There are so many things that went on outside of what I blogged. Some seemed unimportant at the time, others were too sensitive to put on the internet for all to see, and others still just fell to the wayside because of business. I was encouraged to talk through many of these things, and I appreciate each of you that have allowed me to vent or get things off my chest or those of you that have listened to me recall some of the more obscure funny moments. Driver and I sure did laugh a lot on this trip, in spite of some of the heavy situations we had to deal with until the very end.
This was by far the toughest leadership position I have ever held. However, it has also been one of the greatest learning experiences of my life. I have learned that I am not naturally as bold as I may be required to be–even to the point of rebuking at times because of rebellion or blatant sin. I learned that God has given me an abundance of patience and helps me remain level-headed in intense situations–even ones where I am being publicly attacked. I also learned that my knees shake when I’m really nervous. Hah! I have learned that not everyone is teachable, and that it is not my responsibility to “fix” anyone. I have learned the danger of allowing a co-dependent relationship to form. I have learned that God can use me in huge ways if I’m willing to do even the small things. I learned that I am not in control…ever. I have learned that God will never give me more than we can handle together.
I have seen the way God can intervene in an “impossible” situation and show His glory through bringing freedom to the bound. I have seen hardened hearts turn to repentance and be completely transformed. I heard dozens of stories of Kenyans being saved and saw how that brought joy to my team. I saw Muslims and Christians working hand-in-hand in peace. I saw children crying over their “white” teachers leaving; just as I saw these same teachers cry over the loss of one very loved, little Kenyan boy. I saw selfishness dissipate and servants step out. I saw immense joy in sharing talents and gifts from God. I saw and laughed with Kenyan children mimicking American children’s songs.
Yes, this trip was incredibly, amazingly tough, and I’ll admit that at times I wanted to throw in the towel. But I am so glad that God kept me around to see it through to the end. I have formed some life-long bonds, and been shown even more of Christ’s Kingdom.
