It’s often a shock when you hear about the passing of someone dear to you. It takes you by surprise, and you often feel the sting of not getting to say goodbye. How differently do we respond when we know in advance?
Toward the end of 2008 I had a very close client of mine fall very ill. I remember spending one night next to his bed and struggling to hold back the tears begging to escape. By this point he was no longer lucid, and was having regular hallucinations. Along with those, periodically through the night he would wake up because of the severe pain he was in. It broke my heart. I think mostly because it was only a few days prior that I was talking and laughing with him. He passed away a few days later on New Year’s Eve. I’m not sure what my point is, but I guess, even when I got to say goodbye, it was still painful.
Last week I found out that a close family friend has pancreatic cancer. She (whom I call Aunt Janet) was my second grade teacher back in Thailand, and I’ve basically known her my whole life. I also had the honor of spending some time with her when I returned to Thailand a few years ago to work at the international school, and then when I visited while on the World Race. Through all of the memories I can recall, I honestly cannot think of a single negative thing about her. She is one of the most genuine and good-hearted women I have ever met. She leaves a ripple of joy in her wake, and has true friends all over the world.
Thoughts of Aunt Janet have kept me awake since I heard the news. I am sad that I cannot actually be with her to say goodbye, but know that she remains a blessing to the Thai community and the other missionaries around her. Her closest friend, Pam, wrote these words on Aunt Janet’s blog.
Janet decided today that she wanted her first ever pedicure, complete with flowers painted on the toes, because she wants pretty toes for when she “goes up!” And so off we went to Nice Nails.
She is doing well physically, although she tires very easily and is having more frequent instances of “breakthrough pain.” Her spirit continues to be a stunning witness to the community of how one might die with dignity and courage. Yesterday she said, “Oh this cancer is a gift, because it could have been a heart attack or a stroke–but in being pancreatic cancer I have time to say goodbye….”
Now who else has ever called pancreatic cancer a gift? Only Janet! I knew then that I was in the presence of holiness. What a privilege to walk so closely beside this courageous woman of faith.
