As most of you know I have been walking around Southeast Asia for the last month and half with a boot on. The nerve disorder in my leg has been causing me a lot of pain. With no healing in sight I started to pray big prayers.
I told Yahweh that if I wasn’t healed by the end of parent vision trip then I was going home so either heal me or I’ll know that you are calling me home.
I prayed that prayer every day leading up to PVT and at PVT. Nothing.
My squad mates and there parents laid hands on me during PVT and still nothing.
I’m frustrated with God. I know he has big plans but why is he not healing me now? Why is he not giving me the ability to run and jump and finish the freaking race.
I am walking into a season of wrestling with Yahweh. Which is okay because the best relationships come from hard moments.
Durning PVT I was talking to my mom about my foot and I was sharing my frustrations. She read Matthew 7:7-11 to me.
“”Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Matthew 7:7-11
This is what ran through my head when she read it.
“Yahweh I have been asking why the heck have I not received the healing you told me I get to have? Why are you making it so hard to trust that you are still good and faithful. Give me your good gifts. You said you wanted us to have heaven on earth. This really does not feel like heaven.”
My mom asked me the question “what if healing for your foot right now would be compared to a rock?”
What the heck mom it’s healing. How can that be a rock?
She started to explain that maybe me receiving healing for my foot right now wouldn’t do all it could possibly do. What if by my foot being healed in Gods perfect timing brings a me another brother or sister into the kingdom.
Do I wish my foot was healed so I could continue on the world race? Absolutely, but I know that God is still good and he is STILL bigger than any situation. He has perfect timing. So I just have to wait on that timing.
He is STILL a healer today just like he was when Jesus walked the earth. Even when it’s really hard to believe I know it to be true.
So friends and family I am on my way home with my parents. Confused, frustrated, tired, and sad to be leaving the race but also hopeful, faithful, joyful and excited to see what Yahweh is bringing me home to.
The world race has truly changed my life and I will cherish it forever.
I will be writing another blog soon of what the race did for me this year.
Love y’all. Thanks for all the support you’ve given to me over the last year!
