March 17, 2015
So this past month in Cambodia was both good and heavy. Sorry that this blog is a little late ha ha. Much of the month was filled with teaching kids colors and animals; dancing and watching the little ones shuffle their feet; singing with four and seven years olds the song “God is so good” with gusto; getting high fives, hugs, and air kisses.
But the month in Cambodia was also hard, heavy, and painful.
As soon as we entered the country, many on my team and I felt the oppression in the air. Cambodia’s haunting past still hung in the air and clung to the earth like the dust that was everywhere around us. I started to have horrible dreams that could have been scenes from a horror movie. Later I found out that some of the things I had seen in the dreams happened in the killing fields of Cambodia. And in parts of Africa. The headaches persisted. Our group experienced tiring days and weeks of teaching.
At the end of the month, we went to visit a killing field. We got to walk around the entire vicinity and listen to facts and history about each spot and hear testimonies of survivors and soldiers who were there–each detail more horrible than the last. There was even a tree where they used to throw babies and young children against to kill them in front of their mothers. They didn’t want anyone in a family to survive, in case they wanted to have revenge in the future. As soon as I looked at the tree I started crying—I saw this tree in one of my dreams, and I saw babies dying against it.
Among all this horror, I noticed some interesting things: there were butterflies flying around the mass graves, flowers growing in the dust, and birds making nests in the trees. God was reminding me that He makes “beautiful things out of dust.” Through the dreams (I’m still not sure why I dreamed them) He forced me to look at the worst of humanity, how depraved and evil we could be, the most intense suffering—and see Him there still.
Jesus was with each and every person that was brought to the field.
He was with the fathers and mothers.
He was with the babies and children.
He was with the soldiers.
He was tortured with them, sat with them, cried with them.
Suffering and evil are not things that we can ignore in the world, especially on a race like this. But Jesus doesn’t ask us to see these things by themselves. Jesus wants us to trust Him that He was there as well, that He was at work even if we will never find out how or why until eternity. To trust Him in the midst of horrors. “There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still.” ~Corrie Ten Boom
Jesus also wanted me to remember my dream about the tree for a different reason—That He loved the soldier swinging the baby against the tree just as much as the infant. Sometimes that is a hard pill for me to swallow. But I desperately want that love! I need that love! I want His heart beating in my chest to love people scandalously with grace, the way God loves each of us. Lord, continue to pour in me your love!
Thank you again to everyone who has supported and prayed for me thus far. However, I still have a ways to go! If you all would consider donating 5-10 dollars this month, it would make a world of difference!
Pease continue to keep Samuel House, this beacon of light in a lost and hurting city, and Cambodia itself in your prayers! I believe that Hope is coming for Cambodia, and its dawn is coming soon!
God Bless
Tori
